Rantings of a Hollywood Newbie

Indispensible Nostalgia

2011-09-01T15:04:00.000-07:00

This. Is. Awesome. I feel like I'm back at my Grandma's house flipping through her turntable. And I swear I didn't find them through the "featured ABC TV Show" they mention. I stumbled upon them on my own.

www.kiddierecords.com

Writers Write

2011-01-10T02:15:00.000-08:00

Well, I tried. I couldn't stay away. I woke up in the middle of the night, even. I just have things I need to get down, and I don't know why this works better for me (perhaps it is the knowledge that this is most likely permanent, probably NOT being read by a whole lot of people) than my paper journal, but it does.

The next thing I'll write about is my Christmas with the Boys. Good times. But that WILL wait for the morning.

Facebook Me

2010-09-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

I have been on Facebook for several years now. I like it. I find it is a good central place for my contacts. It emails me when people send me messages, it keeps my photos, I can talk to a lot of people I haven't seen in years.

Even this blog is tied into it. Every entry eventually ends up there. And I've finally asked myself--why are you still doing this? I don't have an answer for why I enter things twice, especially when other things end up there and never here.

So, from now, if you want to follow along, Facebook me. Like my "MySpace" blog 2 or three years ago in favor of this one, I'm shutting down.

Oh, I might get the occasional itch to write a soliloquy. Maybe I'll come back then. More likely I'll just go straight to Facebook Notes. That's where these end up anyway.

Happy Birthday TV

2010-08-24T13:27:00.000-07:00

My Great Uncle Philo's birthday was August 19th. Can't believe I missed it, considering all the research I just finished on him.

Nice summary on his life and accomplishments here, and I think I stuck "Farnovision" on the right-hand column, and you know there's always the fight over his name going on down at Wikipedia.

Could Be Worse . . . Could Be Him

2010-08-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

Makes you realize your life isn't as screwed up as you think it is.

(If you are on Facebook and can't see the video go to the original post.)

Proposition 8

2010-08-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well, since it is big news out here, I guess I should acknowledge it. Especially considering that I made such long posts in relation to it last year, and the year before that.

But really, I don't have much to say. I've said everything I feel about this issue before, and neither side expects this to go anywhere but the Supreme Court. And no matter what the Court decides, they can't change hearts and bring peace. Only the Son of God can do that. I hope everyone finds the peace they need and deserve, with malice toward none, and charity towards all.

If you want to read my previous posts on Prop 8, go through this link. Curiously enough, the search also brings up my post on Samauri Jack.

Tom Mankiewicz (1942-2010)

2010-08-02T11:13:00.004-07:00

My friend and mentor, Tom Mankiewicz, died on Saturday. Tom was a respected old-time Hollywood writer, with a wealth of experience and stories. More than that, he was a teacher who was always willing to share his insights and just plan "war stories" with anybody who wanted to spend the time with him.

I was privileged to spend several semesters as a teacher's aid to Tom, working in "the booth" at the Felino Theater while he taught the history of film to the new producers, directors, editors and cinematographers coming through the doors at the Chapman University film school (Dodge College of Film and Media Arts) from 2006 to 2008. It was a class specially created for Tom, at his request, when he was brought in and they asked him what he wanted to do.

I don't know how many other times he told the story, but I know he told the first class I took with him (which was the first class he taught) that his answer to the question was that he wanted the film history class, structured in his own unique genre-by-genre way, because he thought there were too many "kids" getting into the business of the movies without an understanding of what came before.

He didn't just sit around telling stories of his glory days, although those stories were a hoot. He reveled in telling us why Western Archetypes still matter, what sort of foreign films are relate-able and memorable, and why Pinocchio is his favorite film of all time.

He reminded anyone listening (though I didn't need any reminding) that movies were a joy and making movies was supposed to be fun, and that the only limits in this business were your imagination and your energy. He was a producer more than once, so he understood a budget, and that a budget wasn't an obstruction to creativity, but something to work with, and within--every time he passed that little gem on I breathed a sigh and checked the room to see who was listening (and who believed him). I think enough of us were.

Tom and I stayed in contact after I graduated, with him giving much-appreciated (and needed) advice and criticism on my personal projects throughout the years. Even as late as nine days ago I was hearing from him, and we were exchanging thoughts on future plans.

I have one hand on which I can count the teachers, in an academic setting, who have come into my life and really affected it in a deep and profound way, especially in a professional sense. Tom Mankiewicz takes up two fingers.

The Guilt of The Divorced Dad

2010-08-02T11:13:00.003-07:00

The house is quiet. The boys are gone. I cleaned the kitchen today, and the dishes stayed in the dishwasher. The knives and forks never left the drawer. Adelina cleaned our room, and the hallway, and the living room. They stayed the way we left them. I made myself some Kool-Aid: It stayed in the fridge until I drank it.

And, so help me, I enjoyed it. It was nice.

I felt so bad I called the boys immediately.

Day 7 - Death of The Death Star

2010-08-02T11:13:00.001-07:00

Or rather, Lego Star Destroyer. Caelan always gets mad at me when I off-handedly refer to it as "the Death Star." Fine, when he wants to put the time, effort, and money into tracking down a discontinued Lego set on Ebay he can call it whatever the heck he wants.

Well, today (Saturday) I was having the boys clean up their room and the Living room before heading to Subway for dinner, and Morgan accidentally knocked Caelan's just-completed Star Destroyer off its perch (on the 1948 TV) and onto the floor. I was downstairs when I heard the CRASH and then the wailing began. I didn't punish anybody--what do you do for accidents? I just helped them bag it into the original Ziplocks that it came in and pointed out that it would be much easier to transport now.

Day 6 - Take That, AT&T

2010-08-02T11:12:00.001-07:00

Well, I lasted until about 4:00 AM with Morgan. He has the bottom bunk, which he's altered from the photo I provided (he made it into a fort). The thing is, he also has the smallest mattress of any of his brothers--I think it used to be in an RV or something. It's long, but narrow. I'm sure he loved it, but I kept falling off.

Today, I took the guys over to Radio Shack to "port" their phone over from At&t to a new one: Virgin Mobile pay-as-you-go. Why? Well, it really comes down to their policies and Customer Service. I've been with At&t, according to their own records, since 2006, but that's just in California. I was with At&t in Utah, and before they were At&t, as Cingular. I was even with them in Alaska. That's going back to 2002, at least.

Well, it was upgrade time. The boys are out of contract, and my phone falls out of contract on September 9. I went to the At&t store on Wednesday, and tried to work with them, but I was told straight up that if I wanted to buy the kind of phones I wanted I would have to sign up for two more years (a given I expected) on a MUCH more expensive plan (something I did NOT expect). There was no negotiation or wiggle room. They only sell certain phones on certain plans.

I walked out of there (much to my own surprise and Caelan's chagrin) and went to the Radio Shack to window shop. We found what we needed in Virgin Mobile.

Today, I signed the boys up on a great phone--exactly like what I want, when I usually give them sloppy seconds--and with an unlimited plan, that will cost me less money.

They did it to themselves. You'd think after the court hits they got recently they'd be willing to work with such a loyal customer, but no. I'll be leaving when my contract is out. I've already bought my phone.

Day 5 - Cuddle Marathon

2010-08-02T11:11:00.004-07:00

The boys have asked that I spend the last three nights of their time here with them, ie: camping out in their room with them. Morgan gets to go first because he called it the fastest. Caelan thinks its completely unfair, because everything (except bathtime or teeth-brushing) should go oldest-to-youngest.

Day 4 - Skipping Out

2010-08-02T11:11:00.003-07:00

Caelan would have Boy Scouts today (its amazing that I would remember that since a couple of weeks back I sent him off to the church on TUESDAY, and then had to bike there to retrieve him), but between the fact that most of the boys his age are at camp, and this is his last week and he wants to stay home with me, I'm not making him go.

That's it. I'm going to go back and hang with him now.

Day 3 - Toy Story 2

2010-08-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

We picked up our reserved copy of Toy Story 2 from the Orange City Library today. Now Adelina can round out her knowledge of the trilogy, and the boys can re-familiarize themselves with it as well. They'd all forgotten how cool it was.

Me? I just have to keep from crying when Jessie and Sarah McLachlan get together and tell the Goodwill Donation Box story.

Day 2 - Samauri Jack HISHE

2010-08-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

Samauri Jack. Remember him? The best cartoon--well, TV show, really--of the past decade. The boys and I spent the last two months watching a LOT of his running, jumping, oil-spilling. I have the entire series on DVD.

But the real tragedy of the show was that there was no closure. I don't know if that was just because the creators didn't know how to end such a great, open-ended premise, or because they didn't expect to be cancelled after 4 seasons.

Well, the boys and I decided to do something about it. Having seen all the episodes, more than once, we went though all four seasons and put the episodes in what we thought was the proper order, so we could get Jack home.

The very last episode of Season 4 ended up somewhere in the middle. Others went to Season 3, some Season 1 episodes ended up in Season 4, and so on. A special "two-parter" from Season 3 is now the two-parter to start the series with.

The final episode now? The season opener for Season 2, "Jack Learns to Jump Good."

Here's the existing Samauri Jack Episode Order:

And here's ours:

Prequel: Episodes 37 & 38

Season 1:

Episode 1
Episode 2
Episode 3
Episode 4
Episode 5
Episode 19
Episode 20
Episode 36
Episode 9
Episode 27
Episode 11
Episode 39
Episode 26

Season 2:

Episode 51
Episode 15
Episode 16
Episode 17
Episode 8
Episode 28
Episode 42
Episode 50
Episode 52
Episode 23
Episode 24
Episode 33
Episode 41

Season 3:

Episode 10
Episode 25
Episode 29
Episode 31
Episode 49
Episode 30
Episode 44
Episode 6
Episode 34
Episode 35
Episode 47

Season 4:

Episode 12
Episode 40
Episode 18
Episode 13
Episode 43
Episode 32
Episode 5
Episode 46
Episode 7
Episode 48
Episode 21
Episode 22
Episode 14

--------------------

We had fun putting that together.

Final Countdown

2010-07-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

This is the last week, coming up, of my Summer Time with the boys for 2010. I have decided to make an entry for every day--to mark the passing of this great event in my life.

We all feel it coming to a close. Caelan has been asking to "spend as much time as possible" with me. He finally finished the Lego Star Destroyer I bought him for his birthday, and he tried to get me to go Antiquing (Antiquing??) with him today. Of course, I am immensely proud of him as a young man, and I have been enjoying watching him serve in the church as a Deacon, even if today he did do it with "bed-head" and an uncontrollable yawn complex.

Morgan has been having less bouts of temper (he must figure there is too much time to waste) and doing more to knock on the door of our room, looking to get in on a snuggle. He is also making lists/requests for certain toys he wants to take back to Omaha with him. I have been very impressed this year with how much depth he has. Morgan is a budding philosopher.

Padraig eats a lot of ice cream. I've found it is much cheaper to keep a bucket from the store handy than it is to always fight-then-give-in when the ice cream man comes by (which is every day around here). But he also is the first to clean up after himself and others, without being asked, and he does it with a smile. He genuinely cares about the comfort of others, and it really upsets him when his brothers don't take as vital notice of him. He is going to be alright.

And Adelina, who had resigned herself to a schedule that doesn't allow for a lot of interaction this summer, has been taking some well-deserved times out: To go swimming (she'd never been before), to go to the park (spontaneously, just the four of them), and out to dinner.

We all see the summer (at least as far as we're concerned) winding down, and we're making the most of it.

Pool Time!

2010-06-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the boys and I went out to Hart Park Pool to open the swimming season. We would have been there first thing Monday, but my back was all out of whack--I couldn't stand up for most of the day. I couldn't even cook; we ended up ordering pizza. Tuesday it wasn't much better, but after a blessing from the missionaries the night before, I was feeling well enough to go to the pool for a little more therapy.

Hart Park Pool is an interesting place, built in 1934, at the same time as the park (known locally as "The Plunge" because of the shape of the parking lot) it was once a huge Olympic pool but after the 2008 renovation it became 2 pools.

It is more expensive than the Buena Park pool we frequented last year, but it is deep and pretty and it has a diving board so it had everything the boys wanted.

I spent most of my time sitting on the steps at first, just letting the water work my back. The boys, naturally, plunged right in. They are great swimmers, which I always knew, but I have learned firsthand now that 12-feet deep water is no issue for them. I mean, they have always swam across the deep end of the pool and back to the shallows, but they have done it rather quickly and I never pegged them as having much endurance.

Then, while Caelan was off making (hilariously spider-like) leaps from the diving board and Padraig and I were in the large but shallow kiddie pool--Padraig doesn't need it, he can go deep these days, but he'd discovered how warm the kiddie pool was and wanted to help me in my therapy--Morgan showed up with an extra pair of goggles. I asked him where they came from. He very matter of factly explained that he'd seen them on the bottom of the pool in the deep end (that's the 12-feet deep end) and so he dove down to get them. Just like that.

Since he had his own goggles he said I should give them away. I told him we should turn them in, but if no one claimed them he would get them for finding them. I then ran off to brag to a lifeguard about how they were retrieved. My back, for the moment, at least, forgotten.

Presidential Leadership In Times of Crisis

2010-06-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

President Barack Obama tried his hand at addressing the nation on the BP oil spill last night.

Though tragic, thank goodness the amount of oil in the Gulf compared to the water content is still EXTREMELY SMALL. There are 660 quadrillion gallons of water in the Gulf of Mexico. If not a single drop of oil from the spill is cleaned up by the end of August, that will be, worst case, 108 million gallons of oil spilled into it.

That still means there will be only 1 gallon of oil per 6.6 billion gallons of water by the end of August--or 0.00000000001 percent of the gulf. That's less than a half a drop of oil in a bathtub full of water. Just a little perspective.

Perspective, and leadership, were not what our President provided last night. He didn't say anything substantive, or comforting. He provided no solutions aimed at the actual disaster. What he did give were straw man arguments (those who want to "do nothing" are wrong? Who wants to do nothing?) and repeats of the same political points (alternative energy, check. Global warming, natch) he's been spouting since before he was elected.

Flailing off-point never helps. And it never inspires. So I thought I'd write a column this time highlighting what I consider to be the top 5 best Presidential Crisis Speeches. You know, to provide that perspective we need. If the winner had more than one crisis in his category, I lumped it in with his entry--or at least provided further links. In any case, these presidents were usually all-around good speakers. (Except #5, his transcript reads well but he looks like a deer in headlights.)

------------

1) Ronald Reagan After The Challenger Disaster
The The Shuttle Program was in danger and the nation was in mourning. He healed both.
transcript

2) Abraham Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address
With the end of the Civil War rapidly approaching, America had a choice to make. Lincoln uses the opportunity to look toward the eventual peace and reconstruction of the Union. He closes with the famous words "With malice toward none; with charity for all." How different would the next 100 years have been if we had listened.
transcript

3) George Washington and The Newburgh Crisis
Six years before he became president, while still leading the Continental Army, George Washington, with a single gesture (one of many), stopped our country from becoming a Banana Republic before it even began.
website1
website2

4) FDR's Fireside Chats
No other president so skillfully walked the country through his battle plans for dealing with economic & military hardship in war or peacetime.
Chat6
Chat16

5) Bush 41 Addressing the Nation About Desert Storm
He said what he intended to do. He said why. Then, despite every naysayer around him, he did it and got the heck out again.
transcript

Honorable Mention:
Bush 43 With The Bullhorn in New York on 9/14/2001
A flashpoint moment for the country in this century, much the same way Washington's quiet meeting of the troops was in his. (And if you've never seen his farewell address, look it up.)

--------------

Most of the resources on the presidency were taken from the Miller Center of Public Affairs website, http://millercenter.org/academic/americanpresident

The Helen Thomas Issue

2010-06-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

"Now there was no law against a man’s belief; for it was strictly contrary to the commands of God that there should be a law which should bring men on to unequal grounds.

• • •

"For there was a law that men should be judged according to their crimes. Nevertheless, there was no law against a man’s belief; therefore, a man was punished only for the crimes which he had done; therefore all men were on equal grounds."

--Alma 30: 7, 11

I don't agree in the least with what she said, as anyone who knows me or even makes a cursory review of my profile/page knows, but in the spirit of my own deeply held beliefs:

In actuality, she should not have been forced to resign. Which is of course what happened. She was fired, she didn't quit--everyone who used to be her friend distanced themselves from her until she had no choice.

Now, what she said was deplorable, but that's the point of free speech. You know, the old adage: "I disagree with what you say but I will defend forever your right to say it." In this instance it was REALLY put to the test. I think, in a fascinating way, the "hypocrisy of the left" as my brother-in-law put it, is put into relief.

Usually the "left" won't tolerate almost anything that thinkers and pundits on the "right" say because they do not agree with it politically. In that way they seek to censor all speech but their own approved kind. But here, they have not tolerated the words of one of their own, because it was too frank, and perhaps too on the nose. It was in line with what everyone else in the press room was saying, probably, just not "on camera."

So she is censored for not being approved too, just in a different way. It shows that, again, political thought on the left side of the spectrum is all about control.

If you doubt she may have been fired, catch the review of the firestorm she started, and her comments, here, and here.

Anyway, like I say, I feel the same as the commenter on the link you are about to read that she has "earned her unemployment," but that doesn't mean she didn't have a right to say it. And to fire her ONLY for saying something stupid, unsavory, or disagreeable is to deny free speech to us all.

I'll probably get hate mail over this one. Heck, I'm surprised I'm saying it myself. I've sent Helen Thomas hate mail before (at least in my mind). But I honestly don't believe free speech is a gift that we lose when we stop saying the right things.

Gratitude for What IS

2010-05-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

I, the Lord, am willing, if any among you desire to ride upon horses, or upon mules, or in chariots: he shall receive this blessing; if he receive it from the hand of the Lord with a thankful heart in all things. -- D&C 62: 7, punctuation modernized

I’m getting very excited for this summer–--my boys are coming home! Tomorrow I leave on a cross-country drive to bring them back to California for two whole months! (Total, with some time interrupted in between.)

I have felt lost in time ever since they left, and especially since they went off to Omaha. All I get are glimpses into their lives, and small, meaningless phone conversations, when what I want is to really see who they are and shape them, as any father does.

These types of feelings are a big part of why I reduced my output this year–-and stuck more to current events when I did write. I'd looked over my blog entries for the end months of 2009, and I was a bit ashamed. I was spending too much time feeling sorry for myself.

In general, I find I spend a lot of time wishing things were different. Looking ahead. Away. Behind. When my boys are with me I think about what they will be like when grow up--or, I talk about Adelina when I am with them. And when I am with her I spend a lot of time detailing how much I miss my kids. I never spend a lot of time just reflecting on the here and now. That isn't right.

Adelina has always been a good example to me about these kinds of things. Her extended family isn't as close as she would like, but she accepts the limitations. If anything, she is a very stoic personality in this regard and I generally wish I had her ability to "just deal" when it comes to some family things, particularly in my own life. (I speak here of my own burdens, not extended family, because anyone reading this knows how large yet close it is!)

But after this past year in particular I have been reminded again what a good woman I have at my side, and I want to live more appreciative, not only of who I have out there (see you guys on Friday–I hope!) but who I have right next to me.

Of course, I can’t resist looking forward just a little to having all four all around me again.

Not Blind to the Irony . . ..

2010-05-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, after my staunch defense of the petroleum industries in February, it is sad to know that the disaster in the Gulf is still going and just getting worse.

Sad for the families of the workers, sad for the industry, and yes, sad for the country. Because it really was an accident, pure and simple, and the last time an accident like this happened in the Gulf was 1979. But people on both sides will scream and use it to their advantage and try to stop things in the name of shutting down "big oil."

Keep in mind, that an oil spill in the ocean is HUGELY different than a spill on land, but drilling in either environment creates the conditions that caused this spill. That's what a geiser (a-la Giant and There Will Be Blood) IS. Every oil well in the world first blows back once you "pop" through, before you can suck out the oil. The dangerous moment is right there, when the equipment will either work, or fail as it did in this case. (Yes, deep-sea drilling is a LOT more complicated, but that is the jist, and that is my point.)

But it does not fail often anymore (usually never) as the BP reps have pointed out to the media, and I would point out that it is the price we pay for just about everything we have in our modern society.

I agree that this spill is a tragedy--first in human life and then on the wildlife. But the Gulf gets almost as many barrels per day in natural seepage, admittedly not all at one spot. I'm sure it will heal from this.

If anything this accident is not an argument against all oil drilling. This is an argument for less coastal drilling and more drilling on land, because when there is another accident--and there will be--there will be so much less environmental damage. Just as it is so much easier to get a drop of ink off of a countertop than it is to get it out of a glass of water.

Parenthood - As Seen On TV

2010-04-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to make one of my rare Hollywood-centric entries.

I've been giving the new show "Parenthood" a try over its run these last six weeks, because I was a fan of the 80's movie, and the cast for this TV series looked good. Besides, the concept lends itself to a series.

I have found myself alternately liking, identifying, and getting creeping-ly uncomfortable with the show, and I have been trying to figure out why.

Well, I think I know. I believe it is too humanistic. And I know that sounds weird. But this is supposed to be a "typical American family" and I haven't heard or noticed anything particularly religious about them yet, except for when they got uncomfortable with, and then used, a Tibetan prayer stone.

Don't get me wrong, I know the word "typical" can be very loose. But they don't EVER mention anything spiritual. They don't talk about Church, or Temple, or Mosques, or even have any throw-away references to same. Even your "typical" spy story takes place in the back of a Cathedral, occasionally. But not this show. It's just . . . . creepy, really.

It's About Time!

2010-02-22T21:33:00.000-08:00

Saw this commercial while watching the Olympics. 'Bout time the oil industry hit back. They are the safest, best, cheapest, cleanest, (yes, I said cleanest, do your research) form of energy out there, and they are the lifeblood of the world.

I mean, I enjoy Better off Ted as much as the next guy,

but the oil boys don't deserve the rep they get.

Oil is neato!

The most ridiculous commercial I've seen on the other side is this:

Save a mountain!

Oh the horror. Cheap coal. It warms babies and keeps old women from freezing to death in the winter. The horror, the horror.

You'd think I'd go the other way with these, but, seriously, both industries are doing great by this country, and are still being held responsible for things that happened (Oil: see "There Will Be Blood," Coal: see the commercial cited) 100 years ago.

As for saving "One last mountain," I'm all for it if a comparable energy source (like they hope this wind farm will be) can be obtained at the same economic level. If not, blast away. Trees grow back, and the erosion would have happened anyway--only slower.

Wish I'd Seen This Three Years Ago

2010-02-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'd have sent in my protests. I'm getting slammed today, for just the reasons described: an old decree, being updated just because it can be, based on old data not current facts.

View Blog

Another Perspective

(BTW--This "other perspective" is meant to imply nothing more than the struggle of fathers and stepmothers, not say anything about a "mom" in my life.)

For 2010 - Lower Output

2010-01-11T12:56:00.000-08:00

That's my resolution. I hate to sound like I will be ignoring you all, but face it--haven't I been already?

I focused my Christmas attention on my family--as I should have--even bought a Super8 stock and got myself back into the swing of that hobby, documenting the first real "Christmas together" with Adelina. Wonderful.

But this exercise doesn't really serve my needs anymore.

I've talked about it before, of course, wanting an outlet, and wanting to stay in touch, (see the Journal Vs. Blog labels referenced below, or if you're reading this on Facebook, come on over and then do it.) but it isn't enough.

And I finally had it articulated to me, as usual, in a movie. A really awful movie (no focus, the thread kept getting lost, we're never sure who to root for or follow), but the main (?) character did have one good line. A single mother, she is heading out of town, and instead of saying, "Write me!" (The movie is older than the Internet) she gives her two daughters a pair of journals. Then she says:

"Don't write letters. Letters only give other people what they don't need and what you should have--A record of your life."

I'm not exactly sure NOBODY needs a letter from me, but I took the point. The most important person who needs to be reviewing my life is me, and I don't get that from a "blog" or letter, because as I've said before there isn't as much introspection there--and it isn't as permanent, I don't think.

So I'm giving official notice that this blog will be becoming even more unreliable than it has been, and I am going to be completely OK with that. Because that is the new dynamic.

Happy New Year.

Ashamed

2009-12-08T01:22:00.001-08:00

I've been very busy of late--didn't even do a single post in November--but I had to say that I am ashamed for the culture at large today, at 1:30 AM on December 8, 2009.

Ashamed because I was waiting all day the previous day (December 7) to hear some acknowledgment of the fact that it was Pearl Harbor Day in the media or at least see the "Google" logo get changed like they did for Sesame Street. Nothing. It went by without a whimper.

Sad.

He's Not Canceled! Woo!

2009-10-26T20:15:00.000-07:00

I had not been able to find out any information about the show since it stopped in August (it was a Summer Replacement), but now I know and it is official:

BETTER OFF TED WILL BE BACK!

My apologies if this is old news.

Eternally Official

2009-10-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

October 18, 2008--Our Wedding Day.

October 24, 2009--Our Sealing Day.

Family of mine who are members of my church will understand what that means, but for the rest of our loved ones and friends, this day of Sealing in the Temple is a day in which we "bind in heaven" what has already been bound in earth. (Matthew 16:19). It was very important to us. It was also a lot of fun. We got together with my brother and my parents at Denny's afterward (of course, they came to the ceremony, too) and enjoyed a tasty treat.

The Smart One - Part Two

2009-10-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

My lady, my love, my Adelina, went out of town last week to a conference of Pathology in Washington D.C. She got to go--paid for by her hospital, no less--because she published a paper detailing a new way of identifying some form of disease in children.

I don't know all the details. I do know I am extremely proud of her. She's so keen.

A little patriotism from Thomas Paine

2009-10-16T15:05:00.000-07:00

. . . as if he were speaking to current events of the past few days and past few months (counting backwards).

Facebook people will need to go to the source.

The Wisdom of a Child

2009-10-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

I never said anything, but I missed my son Padraig's birthday last month. My children were quite literally taken from me in the middle of the night (well, over Labor Day Weekend) as my ex-wife closed up her home and drove to Omaha, Nebraska to live with her parents.

We were already in a long distance custody relationship, but I had found a way to afford a monthly visit since they were only 650 miles away and the drive was manageable. I was trying to give my boys a life and a pattern they could rely on. Then all four of us had the rug pulled out.

Charisa did this without saying anything to me, and in fact while pointedly telling my own boys that if they dropped any hints to me in the matter I would "do something bad and we [meaning her and them] would end up living on the streets." This is a direct quote from Padraig, my seven-year-old at the time (turned eight a week and a half ago), who did what he was told but didn't believe a word of it, as I'll explain later.

You see, I had applied for custody recently. I hadn't been by her house making any demands or anything (c'mon, I live in a different state), I hadn't been AWARDED anything in terms of a new custody arrangement, I had simply asked the court to review our situation. It's been over four years and both of our situations have changed so much since 2005, I figured it was time for a sit-down. Well, she blindsided me with some unfounded accusations regarding child support payments, and while I spent my time gathering evidence and writing responses about that (I was working "Pro Se") she left.

Looking back, I can now see little moments where my sons tried to say something. When their mom's mother ("Oma" as she is called) came to help with the move, 11-year-old Caelan called me and let me know. He was under oath not to say why she was there, so he began to say she was there to "visit and help us" and then his mom immediately made him hang up (even though it was on his own phone that I bought him). I should have known that it was an unusual call--he made it at 6:00 AM.

Caelan also texted me the day they left, though again I didn't understand it at the time. On September 5th I got two messages--"Caelan loves dad:-)" and "Bye:-)". We text each other often, so I thought again they were innocent. It wasn't until a phone conversation I had with an ex-neighbor of hers the next day (Sept. 6) that I began to put together the idea that she might be planning a move, but by then (I would later learn) it was too late.

Returning to Padraig. When I say he did what he was told but didn't believe a word of it, I mean he kept quiet because he was told to, and he was told I would do "something bad" if he said anything to me, but as soon as we spoke on the phone after they arrived in Omaha (I called her mom's house before she was ready to tell me, chagrining them both it seemed), he told me everything and when I asked him simply what he thought I would have done he shouted to the whole room, "Dad wouldn't have done anything!"

Morgan wanted to say the most, I think, because in the days leading up to their move whenever it was "his turn" on the phone with me he would go off by himself somewhere, a couple of times to climb trees. But they are good boys and they honor their mother. He stuck to talking about video games, and in fact kept calling me on his own to ask if I would replace a Gameboy of his that he lost. Looking back now, that is the kind of thing you pack for a trip.

I will put my best foot forward in this situation, but right now I remain officially unemployed, on disability, and Omaha is 1,591 miles away. I'm not going to be able to get to see them as often as I used to, not even by plane. When I told Caelan, he cried; that was something that wasn't explained about the move.

Morgan continues his record of profound statements; he is getting frustrated with of all of this. The other day as we were on the phone, I asked him about the weather, I think, and after telling me, he said he was tired of "making things up," of "just talking about stuff," and "not really talking." I instantly knew what he meant. The boy is nine years old, but he gets it, and I said so.

I agreed with him that there is a big difference between talking on the phone every once in a while and seeing someone every day to hug and love and talk to and really talk about their day. I said THAT was the better way to get to know people. He said "Yeah." I told him I missed him and I had tried to be there for him, but that still wasn't my call, and maybe someday it would be.

But he is so right. It isn't just a boyfriend/girlfriend cliche'. Long distance relationships don't work. Anybody who says they can make it work has never been in one. Or never had one forced upon them.

And yes, I know, everything I just wrote flies in the face of my "No Comment" entry, but I have to get these feelings down somewhere (see "Journals Vs. Blogs" part 3).

Hollywood Sleeze

2009-10-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

This story keeps getting worse and I can't stop myself from commenting on it any longer. This is the "Hollywood Newbie" blog after all, right?

But I have been in this business for fourteen years. I have loved it for much longer--you become a film guy because you start out as a film buff. Or at least I like to think and hope so (some of my peers' knowledge of film history scared and dismayed me in my undergrad and even graduate studies).

Starting from the point of being a gee-whiz kid with all of this, I guess I never really lost it. I love movies. I love stories. I love to see what happens when a camera is pointed somewhere.

That is why I am so appalled at what has happened over these last weeks, with the camera being pointed right back at the Hollywood of 2009. My industry. The people I am trying to "get in good" with, as my career is still young and I am still much less known than I want to be professionally, and less than I need to be if I am to support my boys, my wife, my life.

Scores of these people are defending the man, justifying him, saying it wasn't so bad, get over it. After all--he's Roman Polanski.

Something Adelina and I have talked about often is the fact that we would like to have a daughter in the near future. (I know my record isn't great on that front, but nevertheless.) I would want her to feel safe around me. On the most basic level I would want her to feel safe about where I work and the people I work with. Right now, I am scared for us both. For myself and the little girl I don't have yet.

Director Roman Polanski did some amazing things 30-40 years ago in the world of the movies. He deserves credit for that, but there is an old Jewish prophet who says it well: "If [you] do evil in my sight, that [you] obey not my voice, then I will repent of the good, wherewith I said I would benefit [you]."

Here Jeremiah is talking for God about a whole nation (hence, my edits) but oh man is the principle the same. What on earth did Polanski ever do that can be justified against his RAPE OF A 13 YEAR OLD GIRL? Now, I admit, in the past, I have enjoyed "Rosemary's Baby" and "Chinatown" and thought they were justifiably held up as works of art in their time, but, c'mon, they were made before he did the monstrous thing he did, and they do NOT somehow absolve him now.

In fact, I don't think I can ever look at anything he did before the same way again. I always had in the back of my mind a vague idea that he'd had "underage" relations with a girl and left the country to avoid prosecution, but this new arrest has brought forward the true nature of it--the (BEWARE! VERY DETAILED!) court transcripts are available online here--and I can't understand how anyone who knows the nature of what he has done could stand to know him. Let alone defend him.

What if it had been your daughter?

"9" - Good Short Film, Great Visual Experience, a "Meh" of a Movie

2009-09-15T09:40:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I described the death of my mother-in-law and what the funeral was for her mostly Buddhist family. A time to mourn.

In Mormon circles, funerals are a time to celebrate the previous life and eat potatoes. They are basically reunions.

My grandmother died last Monday. And while it was sad, it isn't the focus of this entry. It gave me an opportunity to be together with three of my five brothers for the first time in a long time, and so we did what any group of brothers might do--we hit the multiplex. (Mind you, this was before the service.)

We went out to see "9," that new Tim Burton produced 3D animation that was directed by the young filmmaker Shane Acker, based upon his short film from four years ago.

Here's my take. That's right, the "Hollywood Newbie" site is actually going to weigh in on Hollywood!

The film is based on a short subject that Mr. Acker did four years ago. It was nominated for an Academy Award at the time. Since it generally takes four years to make an animated feature, I can imagine Shane Acker walking out of the Kodak Theater and being tackled right then by Mr. Burton.

It's pretty good. Pretty great actually. Nice to have an animated feature out there that doesn't rely on mice or rabbits or talking dogs. The problem with it, however, is in the adaptation.

In expanding his story to a full 90 minutes, Mr. Acker relied too heavily on the plot of his short film. He didn't allow himself to carry the THEME and SPIRIT of the short film over and then just go with it.

What I mean is, the two films have exactly the same ending, despite the first one being about 8 minutes long, and the ending only works on an eight minute movie. The new film, co-written by Pamela Pettler, the excellent screenwriter for "Monster House," has so many threads that need to be explained that the old ending just doesn't work anymore. I can imagine Shane sitting in the story meetings insisting that he wanted his campfire/clouds ending anyway, and that was what he was going to get!

For those who have seen the movie, here's how I think it should have ended:

The "evil machine" that destroyed the world, the one that they awakened and which has been gathering their souls all through the movie, that sent creepy surrogates after them, which they had been fighting so desperately against, was created by the same scientist who created the nine of them, right? The movie told us this. The movie also told us that it was itself soul-less, and that was what was wrong with it. The scientist poured his own soul into them to "fix what went wrong."

So, what if, instead of triumphing against it and freeing the trapped souls before destroying it (souls that just fade away anyway) they discover at the last possible moment that they are SUPPOSED to be gathered? I was hoping for a shot of the last rag doll, maybe #1, screaming and fighting to be free, after 9 reassures him that this is what he is meant for and leaps into the belly of the beast.

Then, after they all are gathered in, the menacing red eye changes color, and the machine begins to rebuild the world it once destroyed.

Not only would that have been so much more emotionally satisfying, it would have made more sense.

No Comment

2009-09-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I can't fire my way out of this dynamic. (There is much more that has been going on in the background in my personal life, but in the spirit of Journals Vs. Blogs I am keeping it off this board.)

As usual for my Facebook friends, if you aren't seeing a video (videos being something I've been incorporating a lot lately) go to the original post.

Vintage Corsa

2009-09-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to my first meeting of the Orange County Corvair Club in months. I still pay my yearly dues (a whole $25), but since getting married and, especially, wrecking and selling my last Monza last summer, it has been harder and harder to find the time.

I made the time this month because a friend of mine from Chapman recently made a film that I wanted to tell everybody about because it features a Corvair.

Man, was I glad to be back. I missed the sights. I missed the SMELLS. And I missed the guys. There were a few new members, too--like a guy who has built an all-electric 'Vair that is a near-perfect replica of the Electrovair II, except that it is a convertible, and he claims to have had it up to 100 mph. Everyone was glad to see me, which was fun, and asked when I would be buying another car.

Who knows. Who knows.

Remembering 9/11

2009-09-04T13:57:00.001-07:00

I know this is a little early. But I have been wondering how I was going to do this and the perfect way has opened up.

I was on a Metrolink Train that day. Commuting to my job about 70 miles away in order to support my family, when people's cell phones started ringing with updates and mysterious news. By the time I got to work and logged into my computer, the images were on the web.

With deference to my friends who may not share the same world view as I do, I find the following presentation entirely appropriate.

P.S. - If you are reading this on Facebook, you may not see the video, you have to go to the original blog post to watch it.

I Wonder Who Was The First One To . . .

2009-09-03T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have been doing some more "Player" research. Its fascinating. It sort of grips you. I was up until four in the morning a couple of nights ago. It helps that I don't have a job to get up for, and that I have a wife who loves me. (Though I have no illusions about how far that's going to stretch if I keep staying up late instead of coming in to cuddle.)

Found a new crest. Apparently it is "recorded in Sir Bernard Burke's General Armory, Ulster King of Arms in 1884. Registered in Hackney, County Middlesex." There are "Players" all over Middlesex, and southern England in general. I have been working on my direct line, but also just pursing names wherever I find them. England has its own version of an entire state/county devoted to tourism--the Isle of Wight--and in true family form the "Players" are all over that. One man, Henry Player (whom I at first tried maniacally to wedge into my line just for the ironical fun of it but had to give up on sheer grounds of morality and, you know, the truth) appears to have almost single-handedly established the resort town of Ryde, revitalizing it with his brewery business in 1705 and purchasing most of the land at that time that the town would later consist of. He and his family seem to have been so rich that they could administer the affairs of their Ryde business from the English coast. Ryde still has a "Player Street."

Just knowing there is a Player Street out there . . .

My sister just moved to England. Maybe I can get her to take pictures.

By the way, Crest Translation? I found a more correct translation program. Best I can come up with now is "Illustrious Service." I like it.

Celebrating Life

2009-08-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have been blessed to see my boys twice this month -- two weekends in a row -- which is more than I expected but under circumstances that I didn't choose. Their great-grandmother on my mom's side has taken a turn for the worse, and many in our family got together to see her last weekend: My uncles from Washington State and Alaska, my brother serving in Iraq, a cousin serving in Germany, all came to Cedar City for an early celebration of her 85th birthday.

It was nice. As is typical in these situations, the oldest guests stood around reminiscing and hugging her and each other, the parents in our middle generation marveled at how long it had been since we had all gotten together, and the kids mostly played with each other without a real grasp of what was happening. I made sure they paid her respect, and they were told she was dying by someone, but it didn't really register and they found the togetherness more important than the reason.

Even she did. As it should be.

Life, The Universe, and Everything

2009-08-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

This month has been a strange one so far. I mentioned how my boys went home to their mother earlier than expected, and the quiet around here has been deafening. Even my cell phone decided it was time I did some deep thinking and broke down on me there for about two weeks.

Usually I heave a sigh and get back into my routine, but its been different this time. With school over (for quite a while now), most of my friends with shared interests and projects have moved out of town or (quite literally) gone on to meet their makers, and I have a house-husband schedule that stretches far into the future with no immediate relief in sight. I really, finally, this month can feel the weight of being childless, directionless, and unsure of my next step.

I would be lost without Adelina. She gets me up in the morning, and makes me happy to face the night. There were other times in my life, particularly just after my divorce, when I flirted with, and fell all the way into, feeling completely without purpose, and I would spend all night up doing nothing for no reason, and then sleep until 2:00 in the afternoon because what was the point of anything anyway? Now I have her, and I want to be better, do better. On the simplest level I just want to go to bed at the same time she does because I know she wants to use me as a teddy bear, and even though it makes it harder to read or write, it is still quite enjoyable.

And so, instead of descending into several months of self pity and doubt, or just plain do-nothing "where did the time go?" waste, I am trying to overcome my on-the-dole-mentality, developed from eight years of being told I am an idiot by my ex-wife (although I do have documented evidence that she liked me for the first five years of our association) and four years on Social Security.

I am writing again. I am re-discovering my hobbies (Intellivision! Seinfeld! The Beatles! Super 8 Cameras!) that made me who I was before 1996. I am also embracing the little things (Strawberry Milkshakes!) that give me joy in life and in the arms of my Eternal Companion, Adelina Tina Luong-Player.

I'm reading The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, with its wonderfully warped view of life. I'm reading The Book of Mormon, with its wonderfully grounded view of both this one and the next.

I'm trying to be the kind of priesthood leader that I need to be--to my boys, to my wife. I don't really know what I did wrong the first time around, apart from not seeing soon enough that my marriage had problems. Every marriage has problems. The difference between those that last and those that don't is that both members of the marriage decide what is good is worth fighting for despite those problems, and stick around anyway. I've already promised Adelina she won't ever be getting the "abort code" from me.

I'm going to stick with her, and trust in the words that will keep us together: "I love you," "I'm sorry," "Love the Lord with all thy heart, and thy neighbor as thyself," "I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell," and, that great imponderable . . .

"42."

Who Am I? Where Did I Come From?

2009-08-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

I wrote before about a town in England I was finding all sorts of Player names in. Well, this entry's for all those other "Players" out there reading this. The upper, color picture is of a professionally researched history plaque of the "Player" name, with some of the family crests shown.

Personally, I think some of it is a little sketchy--I've found out more on my own in an hour on the Internet--but that bit about the name perhaps having originated as a nickname is interesting.

I also don't know how authentic the rest of it is, since it says there is "no record" of the surname's arrival in America. I assume this means they couldn't find any pre-20th century records, but I myself have found North Carolina "Players" (whom I would not be related to) listed as far back as 1780. A Richard Player is listed as part of a petition contesting election results in New Hanover County that year, and he and Thomas Player are registered as having voted. And then of course there is the well-documented sailing of William Player (my ancestor) to Louisiana (then upriver for Illinois) from England in 1842.

And that family crest as described does not match one I have found, but there could be more than one. The one I have found, as you can see, has two saffron flowers on the crest, and a hand above it grasping three more saffron flowers. It says "Spes Mea In Deo" (My Hope is in God).

The two mottoes aren't in competition, however. They both inspire. I really like them. "My Hope is in God" and "[Life is] Brighter by Serving." Standards to live up to.

Maybe I should make up my own. Something like "Don't blow it twice."

Amusing Myself

2009-07-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

Some commercials for products I took advantage of growing up.

They don't make 'em like they used to.

Sloppy Joe Potatoes

2009-07-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

As I said before, I've done most of the cooking this summer. One of the dishes I invented was a big hit, especially with Morgan and Adelina. Morgan asked me to write it down for him, and I didn't get to it before he left. Here it is now:

Sloppy Joe Potatoes:

-------

Ingredients:

1 15.5 Oz Can of Hunt's Manwich Original Sloppy Joe Sauce, prepared normally
(W/1 lb ground beef), except for--
2 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 Extra can of Tomato Sauce (15 oz)
½ of 1 Large Onion, diced and mixed into the sauce.

1 Dozen Russet (or White, or Red) Potatoes, pre-baked well.

Medium Cheddar Cheese, Thickly or Thinly Sliced To Taste, sufficient to cover each potato. (Cheeses may be substituted.)

Butter, softened.

Black Pepper

Iodized Salt

-------

To Prepare:

Place Oil in a large skillet along with most of (about 3/4 of total) diced onion. Cook 1 min before adding ground beef and cooking all ingredients together until onions are soft and beef is no longer pink.

Contrary to "Manwich" instructions, do not drain (unless using ground turkey). Instead, stir in Manwich can and extra tomato sauce AND rest of onions and allow onions to soak up excess fluids. Heat through and set aside; Do not allow to cool completely.

Take previously baked potatoes and split them evenly (but not completely) lengthwise so that they hinge open. For best results, time the readiness of the baked potatoes and the readiness of the sauce to coincide.

These next steps are best carried out for each potato individually until a single "Sloppy Joe Potato" is built, before moving on to the next one:

Place the potatoes on their anticipated serving plates, such as a tea saucer or other small dinnerware.

Place a quarter-sized dot of butter between the folds of each potato so that it melts and overflows along this small line, but still evenly for each side.

Next, place two generous soup spoonfuls of hot sloppy joe sauce on each potato. Spread sauce evenly, but maintain emphasis on drawing the eye to the center of the dish.

Now cover sauce in cheese slices, sufficient for whole potato. Depending on the size of cheese slices and original cheese block, this should average about two or three rectangular slices per potato.

Finally, top the potato off with black pepper and salt for both presentation and flavor.

"Sloppy Joe Potatoes" makes 1 dozen potatoes.

-------

Reheat Instructions:

If you have leftovers and wish to save your potatoes for later, best results in reheating may be obtained this way--

First reheat any cold baked potatoes you wish to use, before you split them open.
Next reheat the sauce.
Always use fresh butter, cheese and salt.

After combining the ingredients, place the potato in the microwave for 30-45 seconds (depending on unit) to melt cheese.

Enjoy!

Considerably Quieter, Sooner Than Expected

2009-07-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

The boys went home Sunday morning. It has been a little bit of a shock. I was expecting to have them all the way through August 10, but a couple of weeks ago Padraig started to get homesick for his mother and began asking her "when are we going home"? over the phone. Eventually she asked if she could come get them early.

I'm not in the habit of chaining my kids to their beds for my own purposes (at least, not anymore) so what was I going to say?

As happens every time, I already miss them, and already feel as though the things I do are not the same without them--even though I went long stretches without including them in my daily life, and have to go out of my way to make them part of my normal routine (my monthly trips, and so forth). I know it is because the are SUPPOSED to be a part of my daily life, and I know they feel that, too.

As an example of this--

In defiance of his brothers, Morgan likes to eat. One of the singular memories I will take from my 38 days with them this year was when we were all sitting together for dinner and he told me that "Dinnertime is my favorite time." He wasn't talking about food then. He was talking about getting together, all of us, in one spot, and having fun.

Morgan probably would have stayed, but he loves his brother Padraig in a David and Jonathan / Alma and Amulek sort of way, and I can't see them parted long or often throughout their lives. Caelan wanted to stay, but his mother and I were unable to reach agreement on the details for that. I hope to be able to arrange another good visit with them before school starts.

Good-Bye To June

2009-06-30T11:55:00.000-07:00

It was noisy, wet, dirty, sandy, hot, salty, and messy, messy, messy.

Man, was it fun!

Summer Fun

2009-06-28T22:59:00.000-07:00

So, What have we been up to so far? Swimming, mostly. The boys get up, fight each other for time on my computer (one of the reasons I don't write so often) and watch "Boomerang" (a Cartoon Network Spin-Off) while waiting for me to either do my work, clean house, or make phone calls until I say "Okay, we're out of here."

Then we head to my old Chapman stomping grounds for the free computers, (they like computers), and as soon as the Buena Park public pool opens head over there. Caelan likes the 10-foot diving board. Morgan likes the waterslide.

Seven-year-old Padraig, unfortunately, likes the swim classes he is not signed up for. I had to pull him out of the pool last time for his attempt to "pants" the instructor.

Home Tips

2009-06-06T08:46:00.000-07:00

I talk a good game, describe my film projects and so forth, but in the current economy for all intents and purposes I am a domesticated husband these days. Until I get a real solid offer that does not seem likely to change either.

So this last week I dug out a book I aquired many years ago, that has been sitting in a box of game stuff in storage for the past three years. It was a big seller regionally and within its market back in the day, I understand. I was given it as a gift about six years ago but I remember the charts hanging around my house when I was a child myself.

I went ahead and scanned it into computer form. I offer it up to any and all friends and relatives--domestic Dads, Moms, or single folks trying to get a roommate to do their share of the dishes--who want to get their house in order.

"Could You Use A Little Help?" - by Darlene Merrill

Eric

P.S. - If Darlene is still out there, and this hasn't dropped into Public Domain, I ask her to call me. Otherwise I will continue to operate as if it has.

Plan #1 - Free Parks

2009-06-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

Had a friend tell me about this the other day:

National Parks are going to be free this summer. So this is going to be my first activity I plan when the boys arrive.

Maybe not the first thing we do--not going to sit on my hands until free-day rolls around--but the first thing I plan.

Summer Games

2009-06-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

The boys will be here in a little less than two weeks. We will have nearly two months together. I am delighted, of course. I am also trying to think of all the activities we will be able to do.

When I think of my own not-so legendary prowess in the world of Summer Sporting Events . . .

I can only hope that they will grow into better examples of physical fitness than me.

(I know these are girls, but the principal of parents wanting more for their kids applies, and I hope for a few of my own someday.)

Either way, its gonna be fun.

Finding God

2009-05-12T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've had several religious discussions lately. Looking back on my previous posts it is not hard to understand the reasons why. My life seems to flow in that direction.

One person's comments, from a guy who isn't exactly a friend of mine (so it is therefore easier for me to be critical of him) have had me itching to respond somehow. He is basically Agnostic, which is different from being an Atheist. Atheists don't believe in God, and don't believe anyone else possibly can either. Agnostics believe there probably is a god, they just don't trust anyone's explanations of Him, and assume everyone is wrong in their beliefs about God (if you follow me).

Anyway, this guy said "If indeed there is a God, I am sure he is not pleased with the dishonesty in the world. I find it difficult to trust anyone or any organized religion. Trust in God and not man, for man will invariably disappoint and lead you astray."

At first, at least for himself and other Agnostics, this sounds relatively reasonable. But then when I think more about it, it is nothing more than a hollow philosophy--even for himself.

Because if you truly believe that the ONE Being you can rely on in this universe IS God, then it must follow that God will be there for you. And if God will always be there for you, He will want you to find Him, so that you may rely on Him as you want to. And, if you are worried about finding God, and if God is worried about you finding Him, then He will have set up some regular, consistent, way for you to find Him. A way that never changes.

What do children do when they are lost? When they are crying out for their parents? They say "Where are you?" And what do those loving parents say? "Over here!" They don't play games and move around, they stick to one spot so they may be found. If anything, they rush closer so the reunion happens quicker.

This is organized religion. A way to find your way back to God. For, if He truly exists (and I believe He does) there will be a single, consistent, place to find Him (and I believe there is).

Ironically, for any man or woman to say in their heart that they want to find their "own way" to God rather than trusting Him and asking Him what and where His true Church and kingdom are, is to do exactly what they despise: it is to rely on men rather than God. The man (or woman) they are relying on is simply themselves. Also an imperfect guide.

Life Changes

2009-04-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

One of my dear friends from Chapman university died on Wednesday. His fiance', who was out of town, called me to let me know on Friday--strangely, the soonest his family told her. She asked me to pass the word on to his friends here in CA that I knew of.

That consists mostly of other Chapman people, and it is humbling to me, after being the first to get the word out, the way I am now viewed as the authority on the subject.

My friends come to me for details, advice, ideas to bounce in terms of memorials, and in general just as a sounding board in this situation. I feel like this should be more about my friend--perhaps it is--but if I can be of help to my other friends in this way I am glad to do it; this is just new to me.

I have already eulogized Mr. Xavier O'Ryan in so many formats over the last 24 hours, I would feel cheap doing it here (it would essentially be a cut-and-paste) so I will just say: he was a good man.

Back Online - Settling In

2009-04-22T23:22:00.000-07:00

Hi there. It's been a month (almost) since I wrote last because Adelina and I have been very busy establishing ourselves in a new apartment for April. We have gone from a little Studio (see the Christmas entry) to a townhouse-style 2-bedroom mansion (by comparison) for not much more money.

I found it by accident (I tend to think of it as Divine Guidance) while going to the bank to cash a $4.00 refund check from Hormel (sad, sick story as to what they did to me). It is big and neeto.

The boys were here last week--one of the reasons we moved when we did. It was still too cold to go to the beach (though it is hot enough now, YOW) but we went to Knott's Berry Farm and Uncle Micah's and hung out singing BNL songs, so we had a blast together. They broke out the Intellivision again, and this time Atlantis, Beauty and the Beast, and Night Stalker were the big hits.

I would have been reporting on all of this in a much more immediate, interesting, and play-by-play way (like last year), but it took all this time to get our Internet up and running here at the new abode. AT&T came by, you see, and it turned out that the phone lines were out of date and "undropped" or something like that so they had to get a work order in for the whole block before they could do us. By that time the boys were home.

My big legal controversy of the summer looks to be whether my sons will be joining me for the summer, because Charisa (my Ex) does not seem to want to acknowledge my power to have them over a month, but our parenting plan gives me the right to have them at least 41 days with the option to request more time with 30 days notice (which I've given).

The sticking points there are three:

#1 - I'd never had them longer than a month before last year (31 days), simply because I never realized I was entitled to so much time (I hadn't been reading the plan because I didn't know where my copy of it was, and I was of course too proud to say such a thing to Charisa, so I was just going with what she told me).

#2 - Once I have them over 25 days in a 30 day period, I become entitled to half the Child Support I was paying her, which we also first discovered last summer to her dismay, and she is resisting putting me in a position of being entitled to that again.

#3 - To bolster her position, or ego, or something--like maybe she thinks if she ignores me I will go away--Charisa keeps saying she has not read any of the emails I have sent her on these matters. I have even put one of them directly in her hand, without a word from her.

I think I'll send it it certified mail and see what that does. I don't usually talk this freely about this side of my life, but, I love my sons and I want to spend as much time as possible with them this summer. I have been trying and trying to establish a schedule with her peacefully and I am getting tired of it.

One thing I know, as they get older, it becomes their choice more, and so they can assert themselves. In the meantime I will call and hug them when I can.

Journals vs. Blogs part 3

2009-03-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

I've talked in the past about the difference between Blogs and Journals, and the tendency--and, in my opinion, the need--to keep their subject matter separate. Frankly, really, there isn't much difference between this forum and a personalized tabloid. If I'm going to be "running with" any number of subjects in that way I want to try to personally filter myself.

But there is something about the "confessional" nature of this forum that makes you want to reveal more and more--perhaps that is why blogs are so addictive. And when I have little time (or take little time) for true journal writing, that deep writer's desire to, as Wilfred Woodruff said, make a record of the times, comes out. (Maybe that was just an actor playing Wilfred Woodruff, but the point is the same.) There has been so much going on in our lives over the last couple of weeks, with family, the boys (demands that their mom has been hinting at in relation to them), my calling, my job search, and the love of my life, that it seems difficult to decipher what belongs in this casual "hey all, here's what's up" mode and what belongs on a private page.

Consequently I haven't been writing anywhere. Just know we are still out here, we're still in love, and we still love you all. Caelan, Morgan, and Padraig--I miss you!

Church response

2009-03-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

I don't try to make this blog about religion per se, it isn't in my nature to wear it on my shoulder.

I guess events of the past few months (and days!) have made me have it in front even if I would rather tuck it close to my heart.

Anyway, my church has responded
to the uproar by its members over this upcoming episode. I find it most telling in the difference between my own visceral reaction and that of my leaders, that they are not asking that the episode be pulled. They only offer perspective, and then express deep regret and disappointment over a promise broken.

Which, I understand. It is really why I was so instantly mad in the first place.

Sacrilege--What Else Do You Call It?

2009-03-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

I've never been a fan of Big Love: As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it would be pretty easy to understand why. It is as titillating as Trapped By The Mormons and about as accurate. But it's on HBO and also a cancelled show, so I really haven't bothered myself about it. People are entitled to their creative freedom.

Well, this Sunday, as part of their "parting shots," I suppose, Big Love will be really crossing the line on everything I hold sacred.

The main character and his "wives" are part of a polygamous group, but secretly living as active members of my faith (a two-fer for the writers, I guess, they can lambaste us both) and in the next episode "Outer Darkness," set to air this Sunday according to this week's TV Guide (which is in stores but unreachable by Internet for some reason) there will be scenes that take place showing temple ceremonies and temple outfits that my people hold sacred. This, despite a disingenuous Big Love website that says "Golly, we have no idea when we will be putting on these new episodes (and that shows none of this in its "preview" section.) But the pictures are there, plain as day, in TV Guide.

I don't say all this to encourage you to run out and pick up a copy. (In fact, I purchased and destroyed all the remaining copies at the store I was in when I found out, that's how sacred those things are to me, and how strongly I feel about this.) I am only saying this to pose the question--is it right to do this to any religion? There was a Hindu temple across the street from my apartment when I lived in Buena Park. They maintained an armed guard out front (something we do not do but that they have every right to do) to screen who is allowed in. Should not those things that we all desire to keep sacred be kept so? Isn't there enough disrespect in this world?

Something to ponder, my friends.

The following are the letters I wrote to HBO and the FCC, as part of an email campaign that was started by concerned members of my faith:

To HBO:

In regards to the episode of Big Love set to air this Sunday, March 15:

As a member of the Mormon Church I have never been comfortable with the show, but I have respected the right of the producers to their creative freedom. However, in this instance, I believe that if the network took an objective view (simply in the context of this episode, I understand that it has not yet aired) I believe that they will come to understand that in this instance the motivation is simply shock and mock and hate, not any sort of genuine creative or intellectual pursuit, and I am surprised that HBO would provide a platform for those who intend harm to a particular religion.

It is well known that Mormons freely open their temples to the public before they are dedicated to the Lord, but afterwards they are open to all only on conditions of membership and behavior guidelines. However, the church would prefer that the entire world were living by these guidelines so that all could enter. That being said, the church also takes great pains to keep sacred what goes on within the walls of its temples so that it may be meaningful to all who enter. Like the difference between a prize won in a lottery and a prize bought with hard earned funds, we believe overexposure or "giving away" what our God has asked that all mankind earn for themselves diminishes the value of those sacred ceremonies in our members and in the world's eyes.

The church expels members as a last resort. Any "ex member" helping Big Love’s producers know what was going on inside our temples could, if not always, harbor feelings of resentment that would cloud anything he or she remembered about the temple experience, meant to elevate and empower the soul in our relationship to Jesus. I ask--would you allow a broadcast of the most sacred ceremonies, publicly declared as for Jewish-eyes-only (and there are those here in America who still practice this way) to be broadcast, against their will, with the help of someone who had turned against that faith?

I understand that the schedule is set, cameras have rolled, editing is done, and actors have been paid. The publicity photos have been shot--after all, that was how I and so many of my friends in and out of the entertainment business discovered the explicit nature of this episode. But I ask you to consider, if not our tender religious feelings, your own bottom line. I am moving soon, and had meant to expand my entertainment package to perhaps include HBO. Many of the video and DVD products I regularly purchase are HBO, Comedy Central, or otherwise affiliated through Time Warner. Should HBO choose to support this, I will have to choose between my most personal beliefs and my entertainment choices. You will always lose.

Thank you very much for your time.

To the FCC:

The program Big Love PLANS TO air very private and sacred aspects of the faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints' temple ceremony, in a manner that can only be meant to give viewers of these ceremonies a negative and mocking view of the faith. I can draw this conclusion because episodes leading up to the episode in question (33, "Outer Darkness"), even just in their "recap" segments, show members of the Mormon faith (not just its offshoots) as secretive, murderous, conspiratorial, and depraved.

Such treatment of any other faith on any other network, subscription or not, would not long be tolerated by the FCC and such lack enforcement of your own guidelines is appalling. Even the old Seinfeld sitcom treated religion with more respect.

Sailing On

2009-03-11T12:04:00.001-07:00

I attended my Mother-In-Law's funeral yesterday. For most of you that may sound like I spent a couple of hours listening to speeches/sermons and then having a prayer in a cemetery before having a big lunch. That is not what happened.

As I have mentioned before, most of the family on my wife's side are Buddhists (I say most now, because with this ceremony I discovered a few Catholics). Her whole immediate family, of course, including her mother, are Buddhists. A Buddhist funeral is not a few-hour affair. Nor is it a time to pause for reflection. When someone dies in a Buddhist Family, you make sure all your neighbors know it, and you try really hard to remind the person you are holding the services for, too.

I want to make it clear here that I found this all very fascinating and I respected it a great deal. It was open to viewing by family and friends, although we as immediate family were the only ones who actually participated. (I start with that just in case there is any confusion in regards to my NEXT blog entry I am planning. FYI-Mormon funerals are also open to all.)

We arrived at the sanctuary (?) at 8:55 AM, but Adelina's family had been there since 7:00 AM, kneeling on a mat listening to three men in robes chanting and banging gongs and cymbals. We joined them. At a certain point, they dressed us all in white, and then led us from one side of the room to the other, burning incense as they chanted. They led us into a large temple with a big Buddha that they chanted to, and back out again to chant to a picture of Adelina's Mom that we placed the incense in front of. We were often asked to sit on the mat and bow, or just go off to the side while they chanted and danced and wait until we were needed.

What was happening, basically, was they were inviting her to her rest, and we as her children (Adelina and her brother and sister specifically held special marker sticks, I participated as a Son-in-Law with a white but slightly different outfit) were helping to make that transition. (Her husband Cay is traditionally forbidden from participating.)

At 12:30 we moved things to the funeral home, with the only significant change being that the coffin was there, as were the guests (the morning started with family), who were invited to participate. My mother had come to the funeral to support me and Adelina, and it was kind of funny to have her looking at me whenever her turn came up. I was suddenly her expert on this ceremony I'd been involved in for 3 1/2 hours.

After the funeral parlor, the body went up to the cemetery, but in an interesting bit for Buddhism nobody older than the person who has died could go to the burial site--as it was bad luck for them. We did more chanting and praying and marching, and then the body was lowered, but not filled in until after 3:00pm, again for good luck.

Adelina had to leave to return to the hospital at 4:00, but Mom and I stayed until 6:30 when there was a break for dinner; then, because I didn't want to be a burden on Cay or anyone else to get me home, and because Mom's arm was tired from driving the Cruiser, I went home with her.

It was a good, if ear-splitting, experience. Adelina has a much bigger family than I realized. As Mandy's husband Brady said at Uncle Van's funeral: "It's wonderful to see everyone; I hope we can get everyone together again under different circumstances." It also made be grateful for all the people I have in my life.

Following the trail

2009-03-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

I am re-discovering my family roots lately, getting a look at the Player family that came out of England and finding out a lot of details about where I came from. Not all of the people have been directly connected back to me, but I'm finding Players who own manors the size you see in Jane Austen movies, Players who were humble Quakers that were jailed and beat by the local Church of England clergy, Players who started temperance (in drink and speech!) societies in England in the 1830's, and Players who died as ditch diggers.

Makes me want to visit England, and not to tour Beatles sites anymore.

A Player Ancestral Town:

Saffron Walden

Homophobia

2009-02-26T23:33:00.000-08:00

This entry might offend some of my friends. It might even make some of my family uncomfortable, given the subject matter. I hope, however, that they step back and take the time to understand the spirit in which I am about to present the things I do. I have not been able to sleep. I have to get this one out and down "on paper," as it were.

I don't like that word: homophobia. Unlike most words, it is not a colloquialism, growing out of the general population or some root combination of language because of a desire to describe something or some activity. Instead, it is a wholly invented word--by Psychologist and gay activist George Weinberg in his 1972 book Society and the Healthy Homosexual no less. (You can find anything on Wikipedia.) Because it was invented by someone with a chip on their shoulder anyway, it comes very charged. It is built to be charged. "Homo-phobia." To even say it is to say I (or anyone I may be referring to) have a "fear or hatred" (the meaning of the word phobia) of homosexuals.

Well I refuse to accept that definition or that the issue is that black and white. Many people, much less religious than me, are always trying to unruffle the feathers of any given debate by saying "Hey, hey, c'mon now, the world is full of gray areas." Well you know what? On this issue, they are right.

Because you see, when I say I supported Prop 8--yes I even knocked on doors for it--many of the people I love, perhaps some of my closest friends, feel like sharpening their pitchforks and pointing them in my direction, or at the very least taking a step away from me while others do the same. They cannot understand how I would say I hold no malice toward anyone (seriously, I haven't been able to muster up enough righteous indignation to get sufficiently mad at my ex-wife to impress my siblings) and do something like that.

Let's assume for a moment, gentle reader, that you are one of the people asking me about this. We know we stand very far apart on this issue. But let us look at our common humanity as something we can at least agree on. Fine, we are a little closer to shaking hands. Next, let's agree that all human beings want to be loved, and to love another person. Good? Closer. Can we agree that sexual expression is an intricate part of the expression of deep love? Fine. Good. We are not so far apart, after all.

The question arises, how does a society regulate its sexual expression? Who decides what is moral and immoral, proper and improper within the bounds of this very powerful subject? This, my dear reader, may be where we part ways. For I believe that I am not the authority on this subject. But I do happen to believe that there is Someone who is. And I believe He speaks on these subjects just as readily, immediately, forcefully, and relevantly, as He did when Moses or Isaiah were saying "God says to invade here" and "Stop doing that, you idiots."

Others don't. You might not believe it as you read this, and that's why you wish to have our laws--not just our ones regarding traffic tickets but the ones (admittedly, mostly unspoken) that have stood for thousands of years in nearly every organized society around the globe regarding conduct between men and women and raising children--rewritten to suit a few. Are you prepared to rewrite them again on the whims of the even fewer who propose other sexual acts that you don't agree with? When WILL you draw the line?

I say all of this (rather long-windedly), to point out that societies, even ones with Constitutions as brilliant as ours, need higher authorities to turn to for questions like these, not to fight it out among themselves. To my mind that higher Authority is God. Who else could it be? Men keep moving the goal post. Remember how they've been saying the last five years that a little wine a day was good for you (after condemning all alcohol)? Yesterday on NBC Nightly News they said that drinking any amount of alcohol ever raises your cancer risk by 5%.

And now to return to my original line (which I bet you think I forgot): the nuances of homosexual experience and opinion.

I saw a TV show the other night. Lots of pretty people. It caught my attention because a comic I like was guest starring. It kept my attention because it was following the preparations for a gay couple's ceremony, and given the charged political atmosphere right now in California I know every show that deals with that subject is bound to make a political statement. (Heck, the Oscars were a political statement on this issue. Milk? The Visitor was a much better film.) Anyway, someone (I think he was a caterer) begged out of attending the bash and then secretly confided to his girlfriend that the real reason he didn't want to go was because he "didn't believe in that stuff." He confidently told her it was OK because most of the country agreed with him.

My first thought? Well, if you are so brave and confident about taking a stand on this issue then why didn't you say how you really felt directly to the gay couple? Not hard to understand: The writers wanted to portray him, and by extension his position, as stupid and cowardly. In fact, predictably, what they had his girlfriend do was fly into a rage about how most of the country liked to wear cowboy boots but that didn't make it OK (taking their swipe at Western and Midwestern America).

Now, as I said this was all very predictable and rolled off my back. Here's what actually had me thinking about this for the last two days and eventually led to this blog entry: Later that day, the girlfriend confides her confrontation to one of the groom/brides (they make a joke out of her not really being sure which to refer to him as), and he, being the Magnanimous (minority!) Man that he is (suffering for his cause, don't you know) tells her "I've walked down this Homophobic road before, you know."

Eventually, the girlfriend and the boyfriend reconcile, promising not to talk politics for a while, but their last scene together was what really gaulled me. You see, aside from the cowardice that he had shown before, his position wasn't really that billy-club hateful. It was just, "I like So and So, but I don't belive in gay marriage so can we please drop it?" But the only word Hollywood had to describe it, the only word they would consider describing it as, was homophobic. (I'm sure there will be some "very special" episode down the line where he will learn the error of his ways.)

I can't accept that. It isn't all or nothing in my world. I'm here to tell you that there are millions of us (Hi--we're called Mormons), lots who probably voted for Prop 8, who get along just fine working with and playing with and being friends with people of every persuasion and every religion AND every orientation, who happen not to agree particularly with their lifestyle. One of my best friends is a Baptist (I think) and a black man and a heck of a dancer if the movies are always right, but I don't feel any great need to be a Baptist. (By the way--if the Baptist Church had tried to redefine marriage to give themselves a special privilege under the law, while refusing my right to be on equal footing with them, I would have campaigned against THAT. That was how I saw Prop 8. Not an attack, a defense.)

Another friend of mine is gay, but I'm not up on switching teams. He can have all the civil rights he wants, too. But he and I are to exchange and compete for those rights and ideas in the arena of the public discourse and the ballot box--I won't burn his meeting place down if/when I lose, and I expect from him the same courtesy.

I mean every word I have written here. I'm not out to make enemies, I just don't like being called a hater for believing in God or that He wants me to live a certain way. I believe that by living within the bounds the Lord has set, a person's joy can be greater, not less. My church has a scripture that says, "See that ye bridle all your passions, that ye may be filled with love." (Alma 38:12)

None of this is to suggest that I am perfect or my way of life is better than yours. I believe that the purpose of life is to prepare to meet God, and give an accounting of the time spent here. In doing that, we are commanded to rise above our "natural tendencies." Does that mean that I believe that being gay is a choice, or uncontrollable? Actually it means neither. I think it means I don't know the answer and God is smarter than me. What I do know is that some people are attracted to men, some people are attracted to women (whether the people in question are men or women) and that EVERYONE is commanded to live according to a certain set of rules laid down by the Man who sent us here. He is the One we have to answer to.

Does the Transmogrifier Exist?

2009-02-21T12:05:00.000-08:00

I got this from my high-school friend Katie Dobson, who did her own, and I couldn't resist trying it, too:

a. Go to Google
b. Type your first name and the words "likes to" all in quotation marks. (e.g. "Ryan likes to")
c. Report back on the first dozen things that come up for your name, in the form of a sentence. (If any pages repeat lines from previous results, move on until you have twelve unique lines.) Here are mine:

1. Eric likes to eat.
2. Eric likes to group the younger ones together and the older ones together.
3. Eric likes to laugh.
4. Eric likes to buy.
5. Eric likes to make believe.
6. Eric likes to Jump.
7. Eric likes to play computer games.
8. Eric likes to write and share knowledge with others. To that end he will write about just about any topic that he can get away with.
9. Eric likes to move around a lot as all kids do, and his movement isn't random.
10. Eric likes to swing and play basketball.
11. Eric likes to save 5-10 minutes at the end of each presentation for questions.
12. Eric likes to enrich himself of the knowledge of the others, and to share his own knowledge: this is his sense of sharing.

It's pretty creepy/cool how many of these apply to me. except for that bit about basketball. Of course, the same site went on to talk about baseball, but it was beyond two sentences so I couldn't include it.

Have fun!

Music Updated!!!

2009-02-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

Finally!

For the first time since November, My Music on the blog has been updated! (So much for wanting to do it Weekly.) Stick around and listen to the new 5-song set.

A Happy Valentines Day

2009-02-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

I bet yours can't beat mine.

I had all the presents, flowers, candy, hidden in my car. At midnight, I got up and went out in the rain and unloaded. Then I carefully re-entered and arranged everything in the dark and went back to bed.

Lovely Adelina, Surgical Patholigist was awake at this point, of course, and wanted to know what I was up to. I playfully told her to go back to sleep but she would have none of it, so she got up, turned on the light, and squealed. (Tee Hee.) After that, she gave me my card, and kept me up an extra half an hour.

The next morning we had breakfast in bed (pancakes, eggs, and bacon) and watched a lot of TV just lounging. We are in a studio, as most of you know--very small--so we can choose the couch or the bed for television viewing.

Actually, we used my computer which is plugged into a TV to fulfill our entertainment purposes and caught up on 30 Rock, Burn Notice, and Scrubs; I also introduced her to Herbie. All off the Internet or my own Hard Drive. Tivo is Dead.

Then we napped. And I got up and made yesterday's entry. And Adelina gave me her surprise present which was very very nice, then I think I finally combed my hair.

For dinner, we went out to our favorite restaurant, Cha Thai, a place that looks like they moved in in the 70's and never re-decorated, but tastes amazing. I've been going since I started at Chapman, and I tried to make a reservation for us last night, but they waved me off saying they didn't do that and they didn't expect to be busy because they never were.

Well, we couldn't sit where we wanted because they were so full. I had a Hot Wheels car with me but I never gave it away. There were too many kids to choose from and none of them were sibling-less (I didn't want to start any fights). We stared goofily into each other's eyes and shared a salad. We talked about past Valentine's days and the difference time makes.

We finished off our evening of romance with a trip to JC Penny to return some merchandise for (whoo-hoo!) in-store credit. I got a new Beatles T-shirt (I felt like it was about time, with my last one looking like an Auto Shop rag) and Adelina got something snuggly, too.

Love to you all!

The Trip

2009-02-14T15:13:00.000-08:00

Going to see the boys last weekend was a delight, and far less awkward than I was expecting, what with Adelina coming along for the first time and all. The gang was happy to see her, Charisa was at least polite (when Adelina was around, when we were alone together . . . ), and I had a peace, confidence--frankly a courage in the presence of the "old lady who burned this dog," that I hadn't had in a long time.

The party was at a Nickelcade-type place in Orem, where everything--all the games--cost 5 cents after the cover charge. There was Pizza and brotherly love and one of their friends I've seen before but whose name I don't know. Charisa said Morgan had invited more but some RSVP'd unable to attend and others simply hadn't shown. *SIGH* This is another example of why I believe the boys should always live together--whether or not it is with me. (Though I know and hope they will look to choose that as they age.) They are each other's best friends, and, as I was with my brothers and sisters growing up, will be the best most rewarding most consistent people in each other's lives.

After the party, Adelina and I took the boys out for dinner (Chuck-A-Rama) and a Movie (Coroline) and they stayed overnight with us. A word to the wise: if you ever stay at the Travelodge in Provo, Utah, stay away from room 123. Especially if you have five people. Luckily, we were able to get moved to 112. Much nicer, same price.

Two issues were in the forefront while I was there, conflicts if you will, between Charisa and I. One I knew was coming (or might be) when I arrived, and another that caught me out of the blue. I guess I am still enough of a respecter of privacy between us not to get into the specifics of it in this particular forum, but what I will say is that I was very grateful Adelina is in my life now, and that is the reason earlier I brought up the strength she gives me.

in the end, it was way to short, as usual, and we said goodbye on Monday with my promise to see them again next month. I hope that it won't be long before our time together will go much further.

Love you guys,

Dad

P.S. - I will report on Valentine's Day when it is all the way over.

Getting Excited

2009-02-03T11:53:00.000-08:00

Morgan's birthday was yesterday. I tried calling him first thing in the morning on his phone and his mom's phone but I got no answer, and then when I called that night Padraig answered the phone and told me I was calling too late, everybody had to go to bed, and hung up on me.

To be fair I spent what little time I had with Padraig just talking to him, not asking for Morgan, but in my defense Padraig is cute even in voice only. I realized my mistake only after I had been off the phone way too long to be able to reach Morgan if I called back.

We are driving out to see all the boys this weekend. (Morgan's party isn't until this Saturday.) I must say I am getting giddy with excitement. I can't wait to see the fellas again. I wish I was near them more, and more often. I know that what is today won't be for always, so I look forward to when that will be.

What Might Have Been

2009-02-03T11:02:00.000-08:00

Today two more of President Obama's cabinent nominees have stepped down for tax reasons--ie: they failed to pay them and I guess thought nobody would notice. That makes three of his people who ran into this issue. Ironically, his first guy stubbornly stuck around without remorse, made it past the nomination process (on pretty close to party lines) and is now TREASURY SECRETARY.

Wasn't Obama talking to these folks before he put their names forward? Is he that sloppy? Or is he just going with whoever his people tell him to? Considering the fact that he is supposed to be "Leader of the Free World" and work with friends and enemies everywhere, I'm not sure I'd like either answer.

The rest of America doesn't seem to be too pleased either. Between tax-dodging cabinet members and a "Stimulus package" that is so full of Pork you need a bib to read it, Obama has gone from a euphoric nearly 100% approval rating at his inauguration, to just over 61% now. That's in less than two weeks in office. If he keeps dropping like this he'll be as unpopular as Bush by Valentine's Day.

It got me thinking of my first choice (well, second) before we were down to two candidates. Before Super Tuesday. Back when America decided it was Too Impolitic to vote against a man just for his race, but, not for his religion.

Dr's Orders

2009-01-27T22:52:00.000-08:00

I went in to see my Doctor today for a follow-up after a series of tests he has been doing on my back, including an MRI, to get the latest scoop on where I am with that whole thing.

The verdict: Better than he was expecting, in his words. Then, when he described it to me it sure sounded pretty bad. I have Arthritis "between the L4 and L5 vertebrae," and yes that disk down there is herniated and bulging--which is why I get the cracks in my back, where the rubbing was started in the first place, and why I do end up laid-up occasionally. But the good news is that it is manageable, though not really reversible, and I should be able to live fairly normally for the foreseeable future as long as I don't try to lift any more engine blocks.

That's good to hear. I was afraid I was on my way to surgery or something. He did say something about a steroid injection into my spine, but I think I had one of those once, and I don't want one ever again. Ever.

Happy New Year - Again!

2009-01-26T13:57:00.000-08:00

Today started the Year of the Ox on the Chinese calendar. Usually that is a sound byte and a trivia question in my life, but this year--the circumstances in my life being so much different than they were last year--I went through a very different ritual.

First of all, I discovered that Garden Grove has a very interesting and thriving Asian community, as Adelina took me over on Saturday to the Vietnamese supermarket she frequents to get some items. I was there to guard the car, ie. keep it mobile in the parking lot. Trying to park in an Asian neighborhood during some sort of holiday--and there seem to be a lot of them--is like trying to find a space at . . . well it is not like trying to park anywhere else I have ever tried in my life.

I have done it half a dozen times with Adelina, and she says I have yet to see the worst of it. This is take no prisoners stuff. My handicapped placard would not have helped us, Dad's "special parking powers" would have been useless, and all in all we were lucky to escape with our lives. I'm about to throw out a stereotype here (being married to a lovely Chinese-American woman I think I can get away with saying this with a wink and a smile) but after that last experience I'm thinking that maybe this is why so many Asians drive so slowly with their blinkers on everywhere else--they are still looking for a parking space!

On Sunday we went up to Los Angeles--I drove, and did my own cementing of the kind of driver I am in my wife's eyes--(Honk! Honk! Aaagh! No! I saw that car, I swear!) in order to have a traditional New Years' Eve dinner with Adelina's family.

It was very good, with chicken, pork, vegetables, and salmon. I even held my own using chopsticks along with everyone else. They offered me a fork (Maybe my Gweilo was showing) but I made it without it. For dessert there were these traditional rice balls in sugar water, and they were really good, but unfortunately I'd gone the safe route and taken the small bowl before I discovered this.

It was great getting to know the family better, including Adelina's Father, who was still quiet but seemed a lot more relaxed and (dare I say?) jovial than he has been in a long time. But the most interesting (and downright fun) portion of the evening was the entertainment. We spent a couple of hours watching something called "Power Sunday" out of Taiwan. Even the near-natives (meaning Adelina and her brother and sister) to the culture seemed to find it bizarre, although they could tell that it was a variety/comedy show of some kind.

But the best part–it was really making Dad Luong laugh. Hard. Heaven knows he needs a good laugh these days so nobody was changing the channel. Instead of trying to describe it, I'll YouTube it below.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-21T17:24:00.000-08:00

This Entry Deleted By Blogspot As Too Romantic And Charming And Just Not Fair To Other Women In The World Not Married To Eric Player.

Set A Date

2009-01-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

Adelina and I married on October 18, 2008, in a ceremony that wasn't exactly what we wanted but ultimately worked out best for our "part-member" mixed Buddist-Mormon family. Her family could attend; my Dad got to do the music. Score.

But this past week we received the letter we have been waiting for to "upgrade" things, as Elder Nelson puts it. We are approved for a temple ceremony as of our first anniversary.

For Family and friends interested, we have called up and scheduled October 20, 2009, at 10:00 AM, in Nauvoo, Ill.

That Creepy Guy

2009-01-16T14:03:00.000-08:00

I've been divorced for almost four years now; remarried for about three months. For two-thirds or more of that time I have been "non-custodial parent" and so away from my kids for weeks on end. I get lonely for them in the downtime.

When I am out and about--on the bus, at church, in the store, whatever--I have an irresistible attraction for little boys. Nothing creepy. No. God no. (Anyone who knows me knows I usually don't swear, but in writing a blog entry like this I believe it is appropriate here. I am taking an oath.) I just find them so darn cute, and of course they remind me of my own kids that I wish I could at that particular moment snatch up into my arms and give a good old fashioned Bill Cosby-style "Zrbtt" to.

But I can't. Mine are far away, these are someone else's kids, and so I am left to stare, with my eyes no doubt bugging out, like "That Creepy Guy" you warn your child to stay away from in bus stations or that the government does through the aid of Ad Council TV commercials.

In fact, one time I WAS that Creepy Guy, when a Very Good Father caught me eying his two-year-old son at a Greyhound station. I was on my way back from one of my monthly visits to see the boys, and had gotten into the habit of making eye contact with the child before the parents. I'm trying to break myself of this--it justifiably will put many parents on edge--but it always fascinates the kids because usually nobody pays attention to them.

Anyway, like I said, the Dad told me to stop it and I only avoided getting beat up, really, by telling the honest truth--his child reminded me of my own kids. He let it slide that his particular child looked like a miniature version of Barack Obama. Perhaps I was saved by his incredulity.

My usual ice-breaker is to carry Hot Wheels cars with me almost everywhere I go. When I see a very bored little boy in some public place I know they have been dragged by their parent--usually exactly how I felt at that size--I will tap their Mom or Dad (Dads are actually usually easier; that day in the bus station I had no cars) on the shoulder and offer it up.

Everyone is happy. The parent because Junior has a distraction, Junior for something to fuel his imagination during whatever mundane piece of the adult world he is being forced to deal with, and me because I get to watch him play and imagine my own boys when they were that age, and hope I don't miss too many more milestones in their lives.

Boy, do I sound creepy.

Nobody Mentioned This Yesterday

2009-01-16T10:05:00.000-08:00

I was Indisposed at 5:00 last night, so I didn't get to hear the President's farewell address. I went over to his website this morning to get it, got poking around, and found this. Funny nobody mentioned it yesterday.

National Sanctity of Human Life Day, 2009

A Proclamation by the President of the United States of America

All human life is a gift from our Creator that is sacred, unique, and worthy of protection. On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, our country recognizes that each person, including every person waiting to be born, has a special place and purpose in this world. We also underscore our dedication to heeding this message of conscience by speaking up for the weak and voiceless among us.

The most basic duty of government is to protect the life of the innocent. My Administration has been committed to building a culture of life by vigorously promoting adoption and parental notification laws, opposing Federal funding for abortions overseas, encouraging teen abstinence, and funding crisis pregnancy programs. In 2002, I was honored to sign into law the Born-Alive Infants Protection Act, which extends legal protection to children who survive an abortion attempt. I signed legislation in 2003 to ban the cruel practice of partial-birth abortion, and that law represents our commitment to building a culture of life in America. Also, I was proud to sign the Unborn Victims of Violence Act of 2004, which allows authorities to charge a person who causes death or injury to a child in the womb with a separate offense in addition to any charges relating to the mother.

America is a caring Nation, and our values should guide us as we harness the gifts of science. In our zeal for new treatments and cures, we must never abandon our fundamental morals. We can achieve the great breakthroughs we all seek with reverence for the gift of life.

The sanctity of life is written in the hearts of all men and women. On this day and throughout the year, we aspire to build a society in which every child is welcome in life and protected in law. We also encourage more of our fellow Americans to join our just and noble cause. History tells us that with a cause rooted in our deepest principles and appealing to the best instincts of our citizens, we will prevail.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 18, 2009, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies and to underscore our commitment to respecting and protecting the life and dignity of every human being.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this fifteenth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-third.

GEORGE W. BUSH

He published this yesterday but it is going to be on my birthday! I get a National Day! I wonder if it comes with a free Frogurt?

A Week In Corvair Heaven

2009-01-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

These days you take jobs where you can get them, and one that came along that looked like a blessing at just the right time this past week was an offer to work for Larry Shapiro, sole proprietor of LS Corvairs and a real sweet guy.

Larry didn't always run LS Corvairs, he used to own Larry's Corvairs in Glendale, and back then he provided the Corvair they used on "Home Improvement" and (according to him) for hundreds of cash-paying drug pimps. He had stories, but at some point he decided to sell out and make his fortune in Coin Collecting. He did well. So well that he has poured his money back into this new shop.

When I say new, I mean new. LS Corvairs was running out of Larry's house when I started last week. I was very excited. I showed up with two other guys and we were going to get the place ship shape and take all the parts that he was using for furniture at his place and get them over to the new shop. One . . . By . . . One.

With my ears still ringing from building the metal cabinets with Dennis, Larry told me that day two would just be me and him, and more of the same. So was day three. And day four. I really like Corvairs. I love them, in fact, as much as I can love a machine, but they aren't my life, and when my back gave out (at the beginning of the second day, really) and I got home late (every day) and dirty (ditto) I had to ask myself was this what I wanted. The answer was yes, as long as I could contribute to my family.

Then I went to Dr. May on Tuesday. He said it was nice that I was playing "Joe" and all, but I am probably killing myself.

So, back to falling on that pesky degree, again.

I think Larry hates me.

But he builds such great cars.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2009-01-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

I have been spending the holidays with my boys (ultra fun) but away from my wife (Yukka) and I have decided that I can't stand it any longer. As a little extra Christmas/New Year's present to her (and to me) I'm using a portion of my 5% stipend increase this year to go home two days early--by bus. (The airlines wanted to charge me almost $200 to change my ticket, Greyhound cost me only about $35.00, so I'll just let them do a Bueller at the airport when my original flight leaves.) This may not sound like a Happy New Year to you, but it does to me.

Oh, and Happy New Year to any and all my family, friends, and co-workers, too.

Plus, while here, my boys and I have been scouring the Internet (OK, YouTube) trying to find the old Bugs Bunny cartoon where he turns into a baseball bat. Today, the day I took them back to stay with their mother, (naturally) I found it. So, good news all around.

Teaching Moments

2008-12-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

I have an oral fixation. I have always liked to put things in my mouth, or suck on various objects, or even in general just rub things on my face to see how they felt ever since I was a toddler. This has translated into a serious "joie de vivre" with kissing my wife now that I am older.

The thing is, I believe at least two of my sons have inherited this from me--though to be fair I cannot say nor prove that such a thing is inheritable. Padraig chews on paper. All the time. You can measure the areas of any building wherein he spends the most time in direct proportion to the amount and size of spitballs it conceals. Caelan chews on most everything else, from ties to toys to his own shirt collar. I hope that this represents yet another side of their caring natures as fine young men, and when they grow up some lucky woman will become the recipient of their early efforts.

This morning while I was helping Caelan get ready for church he had a particularly gangly orange-colored plastic scissor-pincher-thingy in his mouth which he was drooling all over. (To those who worry: It was nothing sharp. I believe it came from a four-year-old's "play doctor" kit.) The help I was providing was to teach him how to tie his grandfather's borrowed tie for the occasion. (He is ten, but still often goes without one when I'm not around.)

I took note of the object in his mouth, and thought about growing up with my own obsession with chewing, and where mouth-type obsessions in general can lead, and so took the opportunity for a teaching moment.

"You know, its okay if you like to put things in your mouth, just as long as you are careful about what they are."

I went on to reference cigarettes and alcohol as being things we don't put in our mouths, not just because of what they do to our health but because Heavenly Father said not to. It took people 150 years to catch up to what Heavenly Father taught, I said, which also showed how important it was to listen to what He was saying through His prophets and apostles today, because we can never know what they see that we don't. "This is a very noisy world, Caelan. It is important to find and listen to the sources of Truth."

Then I finished up his tie, and we piled into the car. He didn't say much--he's ten. Maybe he'll remember what I said; maybe he won't. But I was glad I took the opportunity to say something to him in a quiet moment. I don't have my sons around a lot. Less than either of us want. Finding time to teach my sons when I have them is very important to me, because I see little bits of me in them all the time.

Later, on the way home, I had to remind Caelan that the tie he was wearing didn't belong to him and to get it out of his mouth.

Life Is Wonderful

2008-12-21T00:51:00.000-08:00

Have I used that title before? Maybe I did. I don't care. This is a two-part discussion.

A few days ago, before I left town to come to Utah to spend Christmas with my sons, I was watching It's a Wonderful Life with the woman that I love. (This is, naturally, an important annual Christmas ritual and if you don't participate in it yourself then I can only assume that your heart is a miserable snowball, formed from a thousand little ice crystals all locked together as one, and sealed by an infinitely cold Moose Tongue of Evil that even now is stuck to it.) Upon watching it I was struck again by director Frank Capra's faith in the common man. Every individual is worth something, and taken together, these little people (who think they are nobody) can do extraordinary things.

I don't need to relate the plot of the movie to you or its major themes. You know them. You should know them. The particulars of that film should be as familiar, to Americans at least, as the Christmas story itself. Not for equal importance of the participants, heavens no--the story of Christ is one that is very real, the story of Peter Bailey, imagined--but for what they convey. I believe that the Christmas stories from Matthew and Luke tell us a great deal about the faith of those two men themselves, and about Father in Heaven's faith in Mankind, in trusting us with His Son. By a similar (but I cannot stress enough, not religiously equal!) token, in watching It's a Wonderful Life every year we re-learn a little bit about the faith of one Frank Capra, what HE held dear, and we reflect on the high regard one man can have for his fellow men--by his telling a fictional story of how God sees us all. It is an attitude we could all strive for at this or any other time of year.

Why do I go through all those intellectual acrobatics for what a lot of "known" critics think is Capra's least great of his great films? Because I got thinking about my own place in this world and my role as one of the Peter Baileys in it, when I went through a snowstorm to pick up my kids and bring them back to Cedar City.

The last couple of years have been a struggle. I don't get to be with them as much as I'd like. I try. Do I make a difference? Am I doing enough?

We were snowed in on the drive back from Orem. Stopped in a little nowhere called Scipio. (Used to stop for drinks there with my field trip bus when I was in high school, but today I am too cool for Scipio.) Climbing into the hotel's scratchy sheets, 8-year-old Morgan gave me a partial answer:

"Dad, if you were broadcast around the world, everybody would want you to be their Dad."

Sounds like I need to keep driving in the same direction, at least.

Oh!

2008-12-09T17:07:00.000-08:00

I had a breakthrough today. I have been doing a LOT of Internet-board surfing lately, what with my being unemployed and all, and I came across one entitiled "I Never Met A Nice Mormon" or something like that.

I read a few blurbs. The back and forth. The snipes. "How can you say that?" "What do you mean how?" "Have you ever BEEN to Utah?" "YES!" Something else extremely vulgar and offensive, and then a little LDS woman got on and interjected "And this is an example of how NON-Mormons are nice???" As if to say, "You think we're bad?"

And I had an epiphany. And it is this:

We don't hate anybody. We love Everybody. We want to be friends with everybody. And would be. But when society has gotten so casual as to be "coarse" between individuals, even on the street among people you have just met--and especially between the sexes--it causes tension.

You have to understand. It isn't religious tension. It's cultural. Us Mormons still teach ettiquete classes to our teenagers--the boys AND the girls. So when we meet someone who is LDS, well, so much the better, all the shorthand for how to treat them (and how we figure they will treat us) is already filled in. But when we come across a non-member out there in the cold, cruel world, we can be stand off-ish, not because we are sizing them up for religious reasons (necissarily), but because the first thing we're trying to figure out is if they are as wacky and vulgar as 96.74% of television and movies have told us that they are (by our standards). Saavy?

It gets hard. We end up coming off snobby or wierd, when our women are just trying to avoid the butt-slap that TV has told them to expect, and our men are just wondering if getting to know the guy across the table will include some sort of strange frat ritual.

Gettin' Old

2008-12-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

The Christmas lights went up last week. No tree. We would have to remove the couch or bed or stove to have one. But they look great strung above the window, and the ornaments are hanging all over the apartment in assorted arrangements, including the "boys' lamp" that concentrates on ones with their pictures.

Adelina loves the amount of Christmas stuff I have (though I have an abysmal amount), and enjoyed getting it out and looking it over. We listened to music and have been watching some of my tucked-away Christmas flicks. Nestor is up soon--not sure if I'll do it in the Boys' preferred way (with the MST 3000 soundtrack).

The reason for the title of this entry I guess is that all that hanging and twisting got to me . . . my back is acting up again. The last time I called them, Caelan asked me why adults were so grumpy in the mornings at Christmas and get up slow when kids want to get up fast, and I told him that people are born with all the energy they are ever going to use, and when they get bigger it just gets harder to rev their engine, as compared to a little body full of energy. Padraig asked why my back hurt, and I said I was old. Padraig said, "You're not old, Dad, you're just getting old." I chuckled, and agreed as he rattled off how many kids I had and how old they were, that it was the kids that make you old, and the more you have the older you get.

Morgan wasn't interested in talking about back problems. He wanted to tell me about the book he was reading: an 87-pager!

Just to be silly

2008-11-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

The Real Story

2008-11-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

I was born in Anchorage, Alaska. And if you believe my teaser, I was born in the middle of the Alaska Tundra next to rummaging Brown Bears, magnificent Caribou, and with a case of wanderlust Lewis and Clark couldn’t cure.

Well, that was an Otis Redding song. In reality I was born in a city in a hospital bed. I was on the swim team in high school. What was true out of that song was that I was born in a rural state and did a lot of moving.

This is a good illustration of the kind of liberties I have been taking with how Adelina and I met. There is a story there. A good story. I just haven’t been telling it. Why? The reasons lie somewhere between the sub-plots in Napoleon Dynamite and most Match.com commercials. I just couldn’t face where all the implications lay in the tale.

But here it is. And I have come to realize . . . I love this story.

I was born on a river . . . in a little old tent . . .

Just kidding.

Our story begins in the summer of 2006, when I was fresh to California and living with my brother, thinking about my future, and my recent past. I had just spent 15 months as a single father, balancing school and work responsibilities (I’d just worked on and published a children’s CD-ROM) after losing my wife of 9 years—-by her decision—-to greener pastures. I was there hoping to carve out a better life that I could reach back and apply to my sons when they got older. They were in Utah. I was in California, with everything I owned crammed into a Ford Festiva and my entire life reduced to an upstairs guest room. I was lonely.

So I did something I swore I would not admit to even at the Great Mercy Seat—-I put up a profile on LDSSingles.com, after seeing a reference to it in a church program at Micah’s ward. I got a couple of hits, mostly from people who looked lonelier than I was, and I even started up a dialogue with one woman, but I became engrossed in registering for Graduate School at Chapman University (the reason I was in California) and generally forgot that it was even out there.

I made a lot of friends at Chapman. I had a lot of fun; I made some personal and professional strides. I had at least 2 serious crushes. I burned through my student loans making movies and seeing my sons every month and more whenever possible.

Fast forward to March 2008. I was happy enough, school was going well, and I was not an emotional bucket of sauerkraut anymore. I even started “fellowshipping” a (girl)friend into the church through my Mid-Singles ward in a “program” that my mid-singles advisor affectionately referred to as “flirt to convert.”

Then, I got an email:

“Hi,

This might seem a little odd, and I don't usually do this, but I got your profile from ‘LDS singles.com.’ I don't know why, but I thought I’d email you. I'm also quite skeptical about those sites, but I thought maybe I should give it a chance. I think it's great that you're a screenwriter. I don't know all that much about movie-writing and production, but I enjoy watching movies. Well, hopefully this email gets to you. I hope we can be email buddies.

Adelina”

That’s the great secret about our relationship. It’s the most embarrassing, and the most touching, to me. I met my wife through a singles-style website. But you see, that isn’t the whole story. She sought me out.

And I don’t just mean the “someone has sent you a message” idiocy that sites like that pull. I’d been getting messages like that for years from LDSSingles.com, mostly ignoring them, marking them as spam, and usually coming this close to deleting myself from the place entirely. But something always stopped me.

No, she sought me out in a much more overt way. In a later email she said to me: “I found your email from the internet movie database (nm0687005); you mentioned it in your profile. I hope you don't mind.” You see, my LDSSingles.com account was inactive because I’d stopped paying for it a long time ago (something you have to do in order for people to be able to email you, and the reason they send you those annoying, “Hey! You’ve got a message!” emails). So the only way she could have tracked me down was to read my profile, then find out what I do, then find me on IMDB, then activate a “proIMDB” account for herself in order to get my email, then reach out for me electronically and wait.

You have to understand what a big deal doing this was for her. This is a woman who would employ a Scrivener, if she could, instead of using a Xerox machine. She trusts only what she can handle and see (probably what makes her such a good Pathologist). She doesn’t trust online bill pay or Amazon-style shopping, favoring instead the writing of checks and brick-and-mortar stores. She shreds everything. (She will probably be the last person to lose money in this economy.) So, for her to put herself out there, electronically, aggressively, for a stranger, and to do it by working around the system for reasons “[she] [didn't] know why” was a huge leap of faith.

We were both being led without knowing it. I myself was particularly, at the time, interested in the girl I was taking to church. She, on the other hand, was not interested in me, and said so. Ouch. So, after another email from Adelina, I figured what the heck and invited her out to a movie screening. This was unusual for me because I normally delete “unsolicited” emails like Adelina’s without reading them, but in this case I read and responded.

Adelina may have been uncharacteristically impulsive in opening a dialogue with me, but she is not dumb (See my “The Smart One” entry). There would be no dating, even after 2 invites, until she felt ready and invited me out to dinner at the end of the month. This explains why my stories concerning when we met and how long we were dating often fluctuated throughout the months between “Oh, ever since Spring” and “About April” to “Sometime in March.” All of them technically correct in their own way. But here is the definite answer:

Adelina started seeking me out at the end of March.

April 5 she sent her first email.

We set up a restaurant date, but due to both our schedules we were not able to get together until May 17, 2008, the day I graduated.

I love my wife with all my heart. The speed with which we clicked amazes me. Everything she is, everything she does, inspires me to be better and try harder. Her world fascinates me; her heritage fascinates me. She loves me—-and that is a good feeling. Early in our courtship, I asked, “Why me?” Her answer was simple and touching, like most of what she does:

“Why did I pick you? The answer is actually very simple. I felt....I felt your pains. I know I'm probably nobody to be saying that, but it was genuinely how I felt at the time. I'm glad that you're still there for your kids even though it is difficult. You'll do great wherever you go. I have no doubt.”

Of course, a month-and-a-half after that I was telling her I loved her, and about three months later (with the approval of the Big Three) we were announcing our engagement.

Adelina is an impressive woman. She lectures on parts of the body that, if spouted in a “House” episode, would sound made up. At the same time she is shy in a lot of areas and prefers to express her deepest feelings in letters and emails. I’ve used the ones I have by permission. When I Proposed—at a youth dance we were chaperoning—she pretty much knew it was coming but at the same time was embarrassed to be seen crying by the 14-year-old girls nearby. So of course I took her out on the dance floor.

That’s our story. That’s where we came from. A broken man, who used to be known, in Roch’s words, as “the family clown,” regains his spark thanks to a woman who is completely shy, and distrustful of computers, making the first move on him through the Internet. The Lord’s hand was in it.

She wants to get a big enough place to take care of Caelan, Morgan, and Padraig, and “two or three more.”

Teaser

2008-11-11T16:26:00.001-08:00

"I was born on a river . . . in a little old tent . . . and just like this river, I’ve been running ever since.

Its been a long time coming . . ."

Our Story

2008-11-10T15:51:00.000-08:00

I've had more than one family member ask how Adelina and I met. I gave them my standard "through church" answer for a while, but that, of course, is not specific enough when you are sitting down to dinner.

We started filling in the details, but knew that we were doing a woefully inadequate job when, even on the far side of our wedding, we were being forwarded emails from close family who could not answer basic questions about how we got together for cousins and ward members.

The truth is I (with emphasis on "I") was being intentionally vague. I found our true "origination story" a little embarassing at first, even in today's world. I came up with a semi-realistic version of it near the end, but by and large even then I could not be counted on to keep my details strait. This then, is why many of you may have noticed Adelina turning to me every time the question of our first meeting came up when we were together. She wasn't so much being a wilting flower as she was saying with a smirk, "You dug this hole; someone just asked you to pick up your shovel again."

After our wedding day, and the Honeymoon was in full swing, we got to talking about it. It really is a beautiful story. And Adelina's part, especially, always touches my heart (I married her, didn't I?). So I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell you all how I met and fell in love with Adelina Luong-Player. Because most of what you know is a lie.

And I will do it on my next entry.

Proposition Get on with It

2008-11-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

This Post is going to be long. I am emerging from my Wedding/Honeymoon Cocoon (Mmmmm), which was very pleasant, BTW--see my sister Dolly's blog for pictures--and have come out the other side of the presidential election and am trying to get back into daily life.

National Politics didn't go quite the way I wanted them to; as a Libertarian I would have been much more comfortable with, well, neither of those two bozos wandering around the SNL stage, but I am willing to acknowledge Mr. Obama as my President. I know it doesn't work that just because I don't vote for him I can ignore his Executive Orders. I have faith that he is, at heart, a well-meaning man. I do hope that those representatives in the government who do not agree with him on policy issues (and who are closer to my own heart on policy issues) are also well-meaning and will stand in opposition to him on principle. Good ol' gridlock government in action.

As a newlywed, marriage and California's newly passed Prop 8 are on my mind. I have this to say to the protestors: Go home and get organized for another campaign. This one is over.

Marriage is not a right--it is a regulated law, like taxes or speed limits, and it has always been in the arena of the governed (We the people) to have their elected representatives (or, in the cases where there are ballot initiative-type systems in place, the people themselves) take steps to amend those laws as they see fit through due process.

Just because you don't like the outcome doesn't mean it was (as some are claiming) illegal. The same argument was used when Bush won (twice) by Democrats. Somehow, something, somewhere must have gone wrong because they didn't like it. Nevermind that Bill Clinton served two terms previously and he didn't win the popular vote, either (twice). Now, Obama has won and Democrats are happy again about that. Note: While you may hear some Republicans grumbling, unlike Democrats did for the last eight years you haven't heard anyone claiming he won (the vote) illegally, and Obama won by a smaller percentage than Bush did in 2004.

Now, as to the complaint about the illegalities of Prop 8. Someone already tried to challenge it. July 17 it was reported that:

The California Supreme Court refused Wednesday to remove an anti-gay marriage initiative from the November ballot. Meeting in closed session, the court denied a petition calling for the removal of the initiative, Proposition 8, on the grounds it was a constitutional revision that only the Legislature or a constitutional convention could place before voters. Gay rights lawyers also argued that petitions circulated to get the measure on the ballot inaccurately summarized its effect. The court, meeting at its regular weekly conference, denied the petition without comment in a brief order. (Source, LATimes)

On top of that, it will be hard to argue that the proposition violates civil rights in the same way the landmark Loving v. Virginia ruling of 1967 declared laws against interracial marriage a violation of civil rights, because the Loving v. Virginia ruling is used precisely as a rejection of same-sex couples.

Case in point--The Majority Opinion of the New York Court of Appeals in Hernandez v. Robles (2006) rejected any reliance upon the Loving case as controlling upon the issue of same-sex marriage, holding that:

[T]he historical background of Loving is different from the history underlying this case. Racism has been recognized for centuries — at first by a few people, and later by many more — as a revolting moral evil. This country fought a civil war to eliminate racism's worst manifestation, slavery, and passed three constitutional amendments to eliminate that curse and its vestiges. Loving was part of the civil rights revolution of the 1950s and 1960s, the triumph of a cause for which many heroes and many ordinary people had struggled since our nation began. It is true that there has been serious injustice in the treatment of homosexuals also, a wrong that has been widely recognized only in the relatively recent past, and one our Legislature tried to address when it enacted the Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act four years ago (L 2002, ch 2). But the traditional definition of marriage is not merely a by-product of historical injustice. Its history is of a different kind. The idea that same-sex marriage is even possible is a relatively new one. Until a few decades ago, it was an accepted truth for almost everyone who ever lived, in any society in which marriage existed, that there could be marriages only between participants of different sex. A court should not lightly conclude that everyone who held this belief was irrational, ignorant or bigoted. We do not so conclude.

Similarly, the concurring opinion in the same case stated that:

Plaintiffs' reliance on Loving v. Virginia (388 US 1 [1967]) for the proposition that the US Supreme Court has established a fundamental "right to marry the spouse of one's choice" outside the male/female construct is misplaced. In Loving, an interracial couple argued that Virginia's antimiscegenation statute, which precluded "any white person in this State to marry any save a white person, or a person with no other admixture of blood than white and American Indian" (id. at 5 n 4), violated the federal Due Process and Equal Protection clauses. The statute made intermarriage in violation of its terms a felony carrying a potential jail sentence of one to five years. The Lovings—a white man and a black woman—had married in violation of the law and been convicted, prompting them to challenge the validity of the Virginia law. The Supreme Court struck the statute on both equal protection and due process grounds, but the focus of the analysis was on the Equal Protection Clause. Noting that "[t]he clear and central purpose of the Fourteenth Amendment was to eliminate all official state sources of invidious racial discrimination in the States," the Court applied strict scrutiny review to the racial classification, finding "no legitimate overriding purpose independent of invidious racial discrimination which justifies this classification" (id. at 10, 11). It made clear "that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the [*12]Equal Protection Clause" (id. at 12). There is no question that the Court viewed this antimiscegenation statute as an affront to the very purpose for the adoption of the Fourteenth Amendment—to combat invidious racial discrimination. In its brief due process analysis, the Supreme Court reiterated that marriage is a right "fundamental to our very existence and survival" (id., citing Skinner, 316 US at 541)—a clear reference to the link between marriage and procreation. It reasoned: "To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes . . . is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law" (id.). Although the Court characterized the right to marry as a "choice," it did not articulate the broad "right to marry the spouse of one's choice" suggested by plaintiffs here. Rather, the Court observed that "[t]he Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations" (id. [emphasis added]).[FN2] Needless to say, a statutory scheme that burdens a fundamental right by making conduct criminal based on the race of the individual who engages in it is inimical to the values embodied in the state and federal Due Process clauses. Far from recognizing a right to marry extending beyond the one woman and one man union,[FN3] it is evident from the Loving decision that the Supreme Court viewed marriage as fundamental precisely because of its relationship to human procreation.

So, not only does the Loving case give no precedent for it, but there is no legal basis for it in the 14th amendment of the US Constitution, according to these cases.

If there are to be any changes in these areas they need to be overturned by the voice (vote) of the people. And so far the people have said no. I personally hope this will always be the case--I hold no malice or ill will toward people who have same-sex attraction; while my religion teaches that it is wrong, it also teaches that discrimination is wrong, and the sorts of vile acts that are perpetuated in anecdotal and statistical numbers against the Gay & Lesbian communities should not be tolerated.

However, "your rights end where mine begin" has always been a halmark of our republic. I believe a minority (the Gay community) forcing its re-definition of my marriage upon society would have had grave consequences, and so I stood up and went door to door and helped the Proposition pass, even as I was preparing to marry, and after I married (one of the reasons I had little time for blogging for so long).

This is not the end of this, I know. Go to any news link to get updated on that. But let the people decide. Do not riot. Do not wail. Do not (again) try to force backwards what 70% of the civil rights community in California has declared, and over 52% of all Californians.

A humble voter,
Eric

P.S. - Regarding the question of whether this is itself a civil rights issue. As I said at the opening, rights are not changable. This is why the Declaration of Independence calls them "Inalienable." I believe, even with genes and tendencies having been discovered for it, that homosexuality remains changeable, much like alcoholism has genes and tendencies that can be traced, and yet no one argues that it cannot be overcome. Race, however, is not changeable.

The Smart One

2008-09-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

With a little less than three weeks to go until the wedding, I am alternately giddy and overwhelmed at the prospect that there really and for true will be another woman in my life that I call "wife" and have permanently associated with everything I do. Not because I don't want to go through with it, but because I feel so small and unworthy next to her. I have been so blessed to have stumbled into this situation, and I do mean stumbled. I often feel like Geri, from Geri's Game, trying to trace back in his own head how he got to the final moment--even though it was a one man show--and still not being able to do it.

It is a happy frustration. I feel so blessed. I go over to Adelina's apartment, that we will soon share, and see all the medical books lying open with the small print and the hi-lighted areas and I go, "Wow, I just make movies."

She's the "Leela" to my "Fry."

Birthday Boy

2008-09-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

Padraig had his seventh birthday this past weekend, and I drove out to be with him and his brothers. I paid my way out there, but with my recent bankruptcy plunge (have I mentioned that here?) Adelina was kind enough to be my "guarantor" financially on the rental, seeing as I have no major credit card that will touch me right now. I know, I know, she will soon be my wife anyway, but I saw it as a great gesture of trust and love and it made me want to smother her in Eskimo kisses.

The party for Padraig was simple and nice; Charisa made her usual yellow cake, and I brought some balsa wood airplanes for the boys to play with. Caelan got a non-propeller version, and Morgan and Padraig got some with propellers. It worked out okay until Caelan tried to "make" Morgan share his plane with him because he wanted the kind with a propeller.

Padraig liked his presents; his mother gave him yet another video game, and I gave him legos, a drum, and a remote control car. Most of that went back with me, however, because his mom didn't want to take care of it, and I didn't want it lost/destroyed. He kept the car. His brothers gave him some cool interchangeable "Ben 10" action figures that made me think of "Captain Torso" invented by TV's Frank on MST 3000.

Electoral College

2008-09-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

Fearing the surge of ignorance that seems to arise every four years, I thought I'd put up two things:

One is the text of a "letter to the editor" I wrote in Alaska, and the other is a SchoolHouse Rock short.

FROM 2003:

In response to the Times editorial of August 29, I would like to speak out in favor of the system we have had for 217 years:

The Electoral College works just the way it is supposed to. The whole point for the Founding Fathers was to balance the interests of people in large states with the interests of people in smaller states, and for a newspaper from a large state to complain about it tells me they got it right.

What happened in 2000 (and, I might add, 1996 and 1992–contrary to the way the editorial played it, Clinton didn’t snag the full popular vote either) was not an expression of the flaws in the Electoral College system, but rather it was a demonstration of the genius of it. Because of the Electoral College, Alaska has been given just as much opportunity to pick the president as New York. One is huge geographically but small in its population, the other is exactly the opposite. And if Gore hadn't won California he'd have no need of Florida, because there would be no chance of him winning. On the other hand, without Alaska or North Dakota's three little votes Bush would not be in the position he is right now.

Yes, Gore had the upper hand in the popular vote, but that is precisely the point--he did it because he won a few states with larger populations. The Founding Fathers didn't want the agendas of large states to roll over the interests of little states; they wanted a system that would look out for the interests of both. And they came up with the Electoral College. A final-say system based on the congressional representation of each state. On the local level, it IS the popular vote that matters. Nobody would have watched the tally in Florida so closely if it didn't. I think it is disingenuous for the editorial staff of the Times to say that there is something wrong with a state being winner-take-all with its Electoral votes. What election isn’t winner-take-all?

But then, here comes the genius of the compromise, to win the national pie, you've still got to take the College. Far from being disenfranchised, this means we all matter on Election Day. You can complain that your vote is wasted because your state went Democrat or Republican in the Electoral College, but if your side had garnered enough POPULAR support at the local level, the Electoral College votes would change. For Party A to take the college, Party B has to lose the local popular vote.

What would you rather do--try to get the advantage in a contest of all 100 million or more voters, or get out there and win in a contest of, say, 2 million or 600,000? Sure, sometimes it all evens out nationally to a popular total that is in contrast to the college total, but that's the beauty of the system again. Checks and balances. No person or state can ramrod a single viewpoint down the country's throat. (Incidentally, why are we so happy to accept checks and balances in the government itself, but not in the electoral process?)

And, contrary to what some have been saying, a result like this gives whoever wins a clear vision and an absolute mandate. Because if the winner of the Electoral College vote did not win the popular vote, then that leader has to say to himself, "Well, I've got broad support nationally but opposition locally. I'll have to work to reach out to those areas that don't trust me, and build bridges in the nation." That's actually not far from the stand a president ought to take if he wins both the college and the popular vote; to effectively govern he needs to recognize the legitimate interests of the people who opposed him.

The Electoral College system is the system that has been in place for 217 years. It has provided for smoother transitions of power in this country than anywhere else on earth. No other nation, including any "direct democracy," has had as stable a government as we have enjoyed. Don't tinker with it, embrace it. Enjoy the dilemma that was Election 2000, that may be 2004, or 2020. This is our Republic at work.

Eric C. Player
Copper Center, AK (I Put Myself as being from Copper Center because it was the homestead and it made me feel like a longer resident.)

As He Says - A Great Day For America

2008-09-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

I am an insomniac. It started when I put myself back through school as a filmmaker, and I was subjected to "Overnight shoots." I used to rise at 4:30 AM to go to my Deep-Alaska job on the Tundra programming computers, but now I find myself staying up into the wee hours to do my work--or goof off--and sleeping in until almost lunch time.

It means that I am once again familiar with the late-night talk show hosts, and my favorite is now Craig Ferguson of the CBS Late Late Show. He actually caught my eye before I came out to California, but I have really been able to watch him during my nocturnal activities of the past year or so.

I love him, he's just funny. He's himself. He's also a recent citizen, having emigrated from Scotland and taken the naturalization and citizenship test about two years ago. This will be his first presidential election coming up, and he is all fired up about it. I watched this monologue he gave on the night he gave it (two nights ago) and I was very impressed and proud to hear this from a recent American. I hope everyone is trying so hard to "do their pain in the #*% duty!"

I have de-activated the music on my blog for now, so that everyone reading will just get a chance to watch and enjoy.

Housing Horror

2008-09-07T16:46:00.001-07:00

It is true that a leasing contract can ask for some sort of "quit" charge for breaking the lease early, but can a management company really demand seven months worth of rent in order for you to move out? Adelina's landlords are telling her it will cost her nearly $7,000 if she wants to move out, and we're not sure how to proceed.

If the contract really is legally binding, I'll be joining her in a studio smaller than the one I moved out of, with the two of us trying to combine our lives into that one spot.

We are not staying there longer than we have to. We never intended to stay even in my apartment--we wanted something bigger for the boys. But if things end up like it looks like they might, visits by the boys over the next few months will definitely go up on YouTube.

She is the one

2008-08-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

Everybody at this point is asking, because we finally announced our engagement, so here she is, the woman I am going to marry October 18, 2008: Adelina Luong. A Surgical Pathology Resident at UCI Medical Center in Orange, CA, and one heck of a good kisser.

She's mortified at this point.

Them That Got Are Them That Get

2008-08-31T08:34:00.000-07:00

That's the way Ray Charles put it, and he was right. I turned off my Internet connection about two (three?) weeks ago in order to save money, and it only ended up making my job hunt, blog update, email checkup--everything, is harder. I forget just how connected I am to it all, especially now that I'm not at the university every day.

I'm going to have to reverse this situation, soon. Caelan (I'm away on a visit to the boys for Labor Day. It has been absolutely lovely. We got rained out of a campout we wanted to do but we did get in some fishing.) has started me on that path by donating the hard drive to his old laptop. It was a sacrifice for him, and I appreciate it. Now I will really think about him every time I turn my computer on.

Life is Crazy Good

2008-08-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

I loved the time I spent with my children this summer. I was on the phone with them again today, and Caelan spent half an hour planning how the two of us could hook up through Uncle Micah's Wii (his permission being an axiom, I suppose) to play Mario Kart (assuming he has it).

My professional life this year may have gone much like Drippalong Daffy's as he came charging in to the Saloon expecting at least some validation of his presence, but I know to whom I am a hero. Padraig is sick and I ached to be there myself, but I know the Lord will take care of him, just as He will make sure Morgan won't get lost this year in his combined 3rd/4th grade class. It all just feels to be moving toward what is right.

The major reason for this is because of a certain behind the scenes player. I have alluded to this person a few times, and Mom has begged me for more information on her. All I will say at present is that more information is coming. I have introduced her to the boys, and they like her, but if I had anything else to say, I'd say it to them first.

Another Message

2008-08-12T20:15:00.001-07:00

My services will not be required at the Energy company. At least their voicemail message was chipper and positive.

On a high note somebody sued Netflix apparently and I guess I must have been in on the class action because they just gave me a free month based upon my membership with them in 2002.

Whoo Hoo!

Journals Vs. Blogs - Part 2

2008-08-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking more about it. The whole Journals vs. Blogs issue. I said back in June that the main difference between them was that on some level, you know with a blog what you are writing is going to have an immediate audience, and you edit accordingly. With a journal, your thoughts are more internal, reflective, private, and based on the idea that no one will read them who isn't invited to do so.

I said that was a good reason to maintain my journal. But as I think more about it, I believe it also to be a major argument against blogs.

In this world, with families spread out but every single one of them with access to a computer somewhere, blogs do represent a great way to keep in contact. To send out letters and at best provide a travelogue of what is going on in one's life. But without a good journal, where do our private thoughts and feelings end up? How do we filter, place, or deal with them? Sometimes out in public, over the internet--where, I maintain, we should not be.

The temptation to write down, to analyze, what is happening in life can be so strong that we may even do it with situations and emotions best kept between ourselves and the affected party--not kept on display for all to see and comment on. This is the value of a journal. We may gather our thoughts, place our cares down on paper, and then return to them when feeling rested or better able to deal with them (or even when they no longer apply) secure in the knowledge that no one has come along to judge them in the meantime. And everyone needs that. I believe it could be part of why God started the first journals.

I think it is unhealthy to replace that outlet with a forum which, of necessity, finds Vanity requiring the subject to always be cast in the best light, and to which the writer always returns hoping he/she has found an audience.

I will maintain this blog to stay in contact, but knowing my own tendencies (for a man does not write what he does not know) I will remember that a blog is a blog but a journal is a journal.

Headlines

2008-08-08T13:29:00.000-07:00

The Yahoo! headlines right now are leading with the story of a Senator Edwards affair rather than the Olympics.

How messed up is that?

The Power of Love

2008-08-07T00:33:00.000-07:00

I have been struck by my need for increased gratitude in my life, because this past summer, I have been a witness to, and a beneficiary of, deep lovingkindness.

I took care of my boys, this is true, but I would not have been able to do it, things being as they have been, without the great generosity of people who love me, for which I am grateful.

They continue to bear me up when I am feeling down or discouraged. Or unable to make a bus.

Eric

Bye Bye Love

2008-07-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

I sent this email out to my Corvair Society last night:

Hey all,

Eric "Corvair Killer" Player here. After careful consideration of my budget and future needs, I have decided I will have to sell the latest victim--my 1965 110 Monza Automatic. You may remember: this was the one that got hit by a recycling truck.

Body wise, it has damage on the left rear quadrant, and is smashed in the front enough to cause a pinching and bowing of more than two inches on both sides of the trunk. (But the latch still works.) Due to this damage on the front and back, it needs new bumpers on both ends--possibly also new headlight cowls.

Mechanically, however, everything still works, with many new parts, including a battery only a few weeks old, and I kept it up on oil changes, maintenance, etc. It was gone over by California Corvairs just six months before being taken off the road due to its run-in with the truck.

Photos attached of the interior--which was put in new--and how the car looked BEFORE the accident. I have no photos available to me of its post-crash looks.

Call or email me with questions.

Eric Player
Buena Park, CA
(714) 7-------

It was time. I can't afford to hold on to "Silver" anymore, and its not doing me any good as it is. Besides, if I ever get any money out of the accident this will also remove the temptation to put it into the same dead car.

On to the next one!

Gone Daddy Gone

2008-07-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

The guys left on Thursday, one more spill and a broken digital camera in their wake. (Although I can't be absolutely sure who broke that, just because I found it right after they left, in a bag on the floor where we were keeping the bikes.)

I miss them. I cleaned and vacuumed the apartment the day they left and it is still pretty much as clean as I left it. No one is making any messes except me. That is very depressing. I'd say I know they're having fun where they are, but they were on they're way to a wedding with their mother (her brother). Preston is a wonderful man, and no one deserves happiness more, but what is a wedding to a 10/8/6-year-old boy? six hours of uncomfortable silences and/or subjects in clothes he doesn't like and can't get dirty.

In fact, when I woke up Morgan to get him and all his brothers into the shower in the morning before their mother arrived he fought and screamed and said "I don't want to go to a stupid wedding!" (He was tired, but I also think the boys have gotten prematurely cynical on the subject. While he was here Padraig said he was never getting married and having kids.)

Caelan was more subdued. When it was time to go he walked arm in arm with me out to the car and told me how much he would miss me. He even gave me a father's day card he'd made for me but forgot to deliver earlier. It was stellar and heart-wrenching.

After they left I had a job interview in Costa Mesa (from Buena Park--look it up) that I had to bike and bus to. Giving myself 2 1/2 hours to get there, I was only 10 minutes late. It went very well, a Solar Water Heating company from Europe that is just getting a foothold in the U.S. I'd have such a big job description that I would do everything from Office Management to Web Design and Public Relations to maybe helping install something once in a while.

We'll see after my second interview, when the CEO is in town in a few weeks.

The Long Road To The Simple Things

2008-07-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

Dad got his own answer on the car repairs last week: $304. $304.00 and the PT Cruiser was up and running again. Of course, he had to haul it all the way back to Utah to find someone able (honest?) enough to do that for him, but still, he did.

I've been thinking of it in the context of life and my boys. They leave this week. In three days they will be gone, like they were never here (except for the food stains on my carpet, and the attempted banning the assistant manager laid down for them from the office, which I simply ignored). In this past week, I find myself doing more of the simple "Daddy" things with them: Sleeping out on the balcony (its hot in our apartment, and they like to look at the stars), letting them eat outside with their friends while I make them grilled cheese, and of course swimming nearly all the time (we did the beach with the help of Adelina on Saturday).

These are all things we could and should have tried to do all the time, but with a month of apartment lockdown, the easier thing has been to not appreciate the little things and think about what we CAN'T do. With the thought that they will be gone soon, however, I'm remembering that just being with them is enough. And they are reciprocating. I'm getting a lot of "Dad, you're the best dad in the world," and I love it.

It took me a long time on this visit to focus on the little things. I wish I had more time. What I really need, however, is a job so I can do right by these three. Two years ago I told Amy "I can do more for my sons with more entertainment contacts and training over the next two years than I can by just sitting at home. Over the long term, it is the right thing to do."

That was at the beginning. I am at the other end of that road. It is up to me, with the right timing and the Lord's help, to bring it around for the payoff.

A Real Person

2008-07-09T21:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, besides feeling mopey in general (see post) I had a very positive Parental Experience. I was cleaning up the living room/kitchen area (a constant these days, but that's nothing new for any parent) when Caelan came to me complaining that he was hungry but we were out of bread. He wanted a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich, and nothing else could satisfy the Firstborn.

I told him I was busy . . . and then I went out on a limb. I said, "Why don't you go to the store and get some more bread for us?" I figured, He's 10, and a "98 Cent" store that sold a few food items like bread was only a few blocks away. I thought he was ready for his first errand (as far as I know, but I don't think Charisa lets him do this kind of thing).

He was really excited. I took his bike downstairs, and he got out his helmet, and then I gave him enough change for a loaf of bread, and said "Tootles!" I acted very proud and nonchalant about it, but while I was in the kitchen I scrubbed the same counter over and over again extra hard and I don't think it really got clean.

But he came back, neat as you please, loaf in hand, and raring to make PB & J.

I even let him keep the change.

Sinking Feeling, Sun Rising

2008-07-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

Got Dad's car back from the shop yesterday. $4660 and change to repair it properly. Not going to happen, of course. Dad is very supportive, assuring me I was just the unlucky placeholder for the PT Cruiser and its inevitable breakdown, but I can't help feeling bad about it.

He plans to take it home, get it repaired himself, and then turn it into the convertible he has always wanted. The convertible he was waiting for in the form of a Corvair. More power to him, I am too in love with Corvairs to see anything else for my fun car.

Without the Cruiser, and with my own Corvair still out of commission, I have no way to get around besides the bus with the boys. (We spend a lot of time at home, and the apartment shows it.) I am also without a practical way to get to any of the short-term crew jobs I was planning on using as my means of paying my way through this Summer of Love with them, so the ol' bank account is really showing it at this point.

The next bill due that concerns me is associated with my storage out in Utah. I have everything I left behind out there, including my Beatles collection, Laserdiscs, and books and boys memories, and while I pick things up or look at them when I am out there (just about every month) that's still where I keep them. The 10th is right around the corner, and I don't know what to do about it, I'll just come out and say it.

I don't want to let 12 years of my life get auctioned off by some facility over an unpaid bill, but at the same time I don't want to be seen as whining or asking for help. I'm 35 years old for crying out loud. I just finished yet another degree. How long is this going to go on?

I got a call from a film friend today, however, who wants to meet tomorrow, presumably about future prospects. Every day is about the future.

Backwards Compatibility

2008-07-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

We've been stuck at home a lot, the boys and I (That broken-down 'vair is only broken in body, and it has been getting mighty tempting), so over the 4th of July I broke out my old Intellivision console that I bought in Alaska and usually keep in a box in the closet.

They were amazed. Caelan had a vague recollection of the system, and Morgan and Padraig could not remember ever seeing it--though they recognized a few of the games from an "All in One" game joystick for Intellivision that Padraig got for his 4th birthday (he's six). That has been broken for years, of course.

Anyway, this is the system, and these are the games, that me and my brothers and sisters grew up on. We were not Nintendo nor were we Atari geeks. We were a Intellivision ("Intelligent Television") and Commodore 64 family. I want my kids to be a part of that legacy. ;)

I set it up, and, happily, any brothers or sisters reading this can easily guess what their favorite two games turned out to be:

As Player Guys, they were soon in love with "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons" and "Triple Action." Unfortunately, there was no way to try them out on "Sea Battle" (though Caelan really wanted to) because my left controller will no longer do right turns. For some reason this isn't a problem on "Triple Action."

I was gratified to see, in this day and age of Xboxes and Playstations and Wiis--all of which they are silly with to the point I am a bit nauseous--that they could be entertained so completely and immensely on a little 16-bit system that looks like a 19th century iPod with a phone cord sticking out of it.

I am also a bit amused that my HDTV (the one I bought in a fit of self-pity right after Charisa left me and then spun the tale that I'd "won" it because I was too embarrassed), is finding the 1979 Mattel technology that is the simple signal from my gaming system so difficult. We have to mess with the channels, turn it off and on, make it blink--basically trick it into tuning in every time we turn the thing on.

That little console is just a little too intelligent for my television.

My Decision Being Made For Me

2008-07-02T15:47:00.000-07:00

I took an oath. 27 years ago. I made a promise. A covenant. With my my Lord and Savior.

I don't talk about it much. Most people who know me--just about anybody who knows me well enough to be reading this--knows I don't talk about it much. Religion is a very personal thing and something I leave my friends alone about (unless they ask me) while at the same time I expect them to understand how important my faith is to me. And after knowing me--hopefully more by deed than word--they do.

We have a presidential election coming up. I have stayed on the sidelines of most of the doom-and-gloom alarmist statements about both candidates from extremists on all sides, mostly because they sound like a lot of hooey, and because I figure the campaign is stretching on so long that they will both have plenty of rope to hang themselves (Obama: Rev Wright / McCain: Finding Two Matching Statements) without bloggers getting involved.

But, as Obama himself has observed, and I've always felt, asking someone to seperate themselves from their principles when making decisions concerning law or policy is just silly.

As I said. I belong to a church. I believe in something. Something I know in my heart and soul is the true path to Man's happiness, and it tells me certain things are true.

Here's a good recent rundown: The LDS Church's Proclaimation On The Family

That's what you call a Standard to live up to. It doesn't mean I always have. (Thank God for His Grace.) I mean, obviously not; I'm a divorcee' saying these things. But it is a target to aim for.

I bring this up because I have wondered where I am going to throw my support (Yahoo, my chad is dangling!) in November, and going back and forth, seeing it mostly as a political question. Even as a Libertarian, I knew it probably was going to come down to the Big Two candidates.

Well, Obama has oficially changed it for me from a political into a moral question:

News Release, July 1st

This, specifically coupled with the letter from my Church's "First Presidency" (Prophet and his counselors) which was read over the pulpit this past Sunday, at the chapels in California, urging members to support the Constitutional Amendment on Marriage (up for vote in the state in November), helps me know where I stand.

Obama is off the table. I made a promise to a higher authority. He set himself opposite of that.

McCain is no prize, either. I will most likely be going with my party. They don't hold 100% positions on everything I do, but they have the right philosophy--let people govern themselves. Since 80% of the country claims to believe in God, that's a government I'm willing to bank on.

Car Karma

2008-06-25T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of shooting "Bottles," at a studio called Sets in the City (ha ha) in Santa Clarita. Went fine, got there OK. We started a little late because the guy letting us in (at the studio) slept in, and we fell behind because the director wanted to do 8 takes of a girl drinking a glass of water--the usual stuff.

I was fortunate to have great friends, from Church and Chapman, volunteering to help me with the boys so I could be there. I had a 6 AM to 6 PM day that stretched to 7:45 PM before I left, so they were being VERY generous.

However, on the ride home, after re-priming my tank (actually, Dad's tank) with Chevron w/Techron gasoline, I began to experience a flashing of my "check engine" light. The car, a PT Cruiser only four years old, sputtered to a stop at the City Truck Stop at 1400 S. Alemeda Street in downtown Los Angeles, complete with homeless man who kept offering to help me push the car (for a price).

Luckily, I still had the towing service from my (now expired) Chevron card, which has a 50-mile towing radius. And my friend Adnan (there babysitting for me for several hours, sans car) got a ride home with my home teaching companion, while another friend came over to sit with the boys until I arrived.

I must have some kind of anti-car vibe. The guys at my Corvair Club have already nicknamed me "Killer." But I swear all I was doing was driving home.

Of course, I called and let the producer know he needs a new 1 AD for tomorrow, and possibly the rest of the shoot.

And this pretty much blows away my whining about a support system from yesterday.

Family Distractions

2008-06-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

Family issues. Do they distract you from life are they what make life worth living? I'm entering into this with an answer already in mind, or at least without any preconceived negative ones, but I've just had this question posed to me by nobody and everybody, nothing and everything, as I have enjoyed the boys with me, thought about what it is like to have them here and not here, and tried to get work done with them around.

I have also thought about it in the face of the latest family "behind the scenes" crisis that has been making its way around my siblings and parents. How much of all of this--which takes away from what I would probably be doing in any given day--is necessarily to the good of my family, and how much is just time wasted that I will never get back spending in positive, uplifting activities with those same family members?

I can say I want to have my children around all the time, and I do, but when does that leave me time to find a job when I already have no income and no (family/dedicated) support system or arrangement between myself and my ex? I can say I love my brothers and sisters, mother and father, unconditionally, but what will I do when a truly unexpected test of that love comes my way? How do I handle it with each one of them?

I'm not leading up to any profound answer. I'm just saying these are the thoughts that I've been having, and a partial explanation for the gap in my supposedly "daily blog." I sure never expected to begin dealing with these issues by taking my boys to a meeting in a skyscraper, inside a glass-encased conference room, while I and the central team talked about the next film's issues and the boys played dinosaur with their La Brea Tar Pit souvenirs.